Troy Tempest

On a day when the BBC put an article entitled “Board Games: why are they becoming so popular?” four GNN regulars met up for a first attempt at Ancient Civilisations of the Inner Sea. In the BBC video, not one of the reasons given was that people wanted to be dicks to each other while playing a game of indeterminate but considerable length. But that’s why we were sat around Sam’s kitchen table.

Ancient Civilisations of the Inner Sea is set at the dawn of the Bronze Age around the Mediterranean Sea as each player adopts the role of a local aspiring empire. In our game, Sam was Troy, Adam was Egypt, Ian was Carthage and I was Gaul. It superficially resembled Time Of Crisis and I swiftly expanded into Rome almost out of habit. Sadly it wasn’t a game-winning move.

Adam, though, sprang into an early lead, building cities and using cards to put him onto four points, to Sam’s three and Ian and I sharing one. (Or should that be sharing two, since we had one each?) Sam sent Civil War into Egypt, removing five of Adam’s discs. Adam just drank slowly from his beer while regarding Sam coldly.

Why are board games so popular? Hmm. Good question.

Soon after this point there was an event entitled Breath of God which saw everybody instantly discard their hands and draw four new cards. Cue a chorus of grumbles at the unfairness of it all. Ian seemed to make the most of the new opportunities as he built loads of cities: so many that our attempts at stopping him were largely fruitless. He picked up ten points that round, jumping into first.

He retained his estate of ten cities for a while until Adam played the Bread & Circuses card which meant that the player with the most cities had to lose that many VPs, or pay for them with money or cards from his hand. That knocked six points of his tally. Finally the first epoch ended and it was 9.30. We’d been playing for two and a half hours! A full game lasts four epochs.

Epoch Two began with a general agreement that this could be the last. But before too long another event, Time Marches On, brought the epoch to an abrupt end. The score at this point was Adam 34, Sam 34, Ian 31, Andrew 27.

Adam was the main target of our ire, as we set about dismantiling his Egyptian/Palestinian empire. But we always had an eye on each other, as I sent barbarians into Sam’s lands and tried to stop Ian’s expansion into southern Spain.

Being in last, I was mostly unhindered by my opponents but the game itself still managed to get in my way. The event Resistance To Chance cost me three points for most cities just as I was about to score big.

Then, wouldn’t you know it, Time Marches On made another appearance. Epoch Three came to a sudden end and, with that, so did the game. It was 10.50, so we didn’t feel like risking a fourth epoch.

Sam 42
Adam 41
Ian 40
Andrew 37

While it had been long, it had never been boring with a remarkable lack of downtime between turns. There’s always something to watch and something to react to. It was fun, but the fact that there’s no real way to guess how long a game will be makes it an “event” game rather than one that’ll make an appearance at the weekly meet. Ian also noted that the name itself - Ancient Civilisations on the Inner Sea - was slightly too long. Sam promised to bring it to Novocon.

Then Adam decided it was time to go, but was persuaded to stay for one more by the wall of rain outside. We played Yokai. It was a breeze after the hardships of ACIS. And we did very well, hitting Legendary on the score track thing.

And then we set off, into the rain. Thanks for the evening.

Wrong end of the sticht

This week witnessed the return of Katy, so that seven gaming stalwarts sat around Sam's kitchen table (Sam, Joe, Adam T, Martin, Ian, Katy and me). In fact, we began with eight, since Sam's son Joe joined us for a round of Fuji Flush.

It had been a while since we had last played it, but our biggest concern was not being able to talk about dick points in front of a child. A real shame since we began by all putting down 2s until Ian cleared the table with a 15. A big swinging dick, and we couldn't even mention it.

Adam 0
Joe M, Joe B, Martin 1
Ian, Andrew, Sam 2
Katy 3

Then Joe M requested a round of Insider, which we quickly cranked out. I was the master, and the word was Thermal Power Plant. During the guessing round, Katy, Sam and Joe B all suggested power plants, seemingly out of nothing, but despite that it was Ian who was the Insider. He'd won by using the old "quiet and mysterious" method.

Now we split into two groups. Three of us (Sam, Katy and Martin) played Hats. Not the album by The Blue Nile, but a set collecting game that comes with its own cookie. With it being so far away (again, I was perched at the end of the table) I know little about it. Not even what the cookie is for, but they played twice with Sam winning both games. I only noted the scores for the second, though.

Sam 29
Katy 28
Martin 26

We (Adam, Ian, Joe and me) chose Was Sticht?, a game whose box has been taken to several GNN nights but was rarely chosen. Until tonight. It's a trick taking game, but to describe it like that is like saying Kafka's Metamorphosis is about a man who just doesn't want to get out of bed.

Instead of dealing out the cards, they are distributed through a sort of mini game in which each player chooses a card from a column of a grid displaying all of the cards face up and then the "dealer" (who knows the trump suit) tells everyone who won among those four cards. In this way we are expected to deduce what the trump card is and adjust our choices accordingly.

Once that is done, each player has to chose one of the five targets they selected right at the start of the game, with criteria like No Tricks or Last Trick. If you complete this target then you discard it and the winner is the first to discard all five. Although, right from the start, we had agreed to play just four rounds. On top of all of this, lots of other rules kept cropping up during the game like someone who can't admit defeat in an argument and keeps coming back saying "and another thing..."

I found it all hard going at first, but by round four I think we'd all got the hang of it as we had gone from hesitant questioning to silent contemplation before our turns. This was certainly a good sign and I'd like to try it again soon.

Andrew 3 targets completed
Joe, Adam, Ian 2

Was Sticht took long enough that the other three squeezed in a game of Yokai and Eggs of Ostrich while we were in the final stages. In Yokai, Martin struggled to interpret his colleagues actions, saying to Sam that "I thought you were being clever," to which Sam bluntly replied "No." Nevertheless, they succeeded and were Glorious according to the scoresheet.

Then, in Eggs of Ostrich, Martin complained about how brutal it was. I think the score was

Martin 8
Sam 5
Katy 4

At this point, we were all available for mingling and, astonishingly, Toad in the Hole was offered up as a snack. This beat even Adam's offering of bite size sausage rolls at the start of the evening. The whole snack scene is seeing a revival that even Knizia would be jealous of.

Anyway, as for games, Adam, Ian and I chose Impulse while Sam, Joe, Martin and Katy played Senators, despite Katy's attempts at steering them towards Hit Z Road.

Senators was notable for Joe offering to buy olives in a creepy tone of voice. Katy seemed to enjoy her first game so maybe there's a chance of a revival?

Martin 9
Joe 8
Katy 6
Sam 5

During Impulse we started slow and with a remarkable lack of fighting coupled with a large amount of available Build actions meant that our space sector got pretty crowded.

Ian declared that he'd cocked up his techs and I was looking forward to a win when Adam snuck in and hit twenty points before I got a chance.

Adam 20
Andrew 14
Ian 11

While we finished Impulse, the other four amused themselves with a quick burst on Belratti. With Sam, Joe and Martin playing, some of the deductions about which painting belonged to which theme had an air of cryptic crossword to them. Sam tried to link Recycle to "re-sickle" until Joe told him that the drawing in question was a scythe. Martin tried to link Eye and Saw because it made "eyesore". Despite all this overthinking they did well, scoring 13-3.

Finally, we played Just One. This is a word game that I just don’t get. I keep expecting normal words but instead I get pop culture references or, as was tonight, an actual name. Despite clues to the moon landing and the other clue “Lance” I couldn’t get “Armstrong.” Sorry. Joe gave away the word by saying it out loud (Zeus) meaning a re-deal was necessary. Martin’s word was “passion” and when he saw our remaining clues: Desire, Throes and St Matthew, he said “Jesus Christ…” with an air of despair. At the mention of JC, I sort of chuckled and from that he was able to deduce the clue. Phew.

After this,we were finished. Thanks all, and hope to see you all again soon.

Ancient, but Not Necessarily Justified

The Mediterranean. A hotbed of civilisation squabbling, technological advancements and expansioneering. I could be describing ancient history, or any number of board games from the past 20 years, but it so happens this is Ancient Civilisations of the Inner Sea. That somewhat unwieldy title - and the box - makes it sound very dry and very heavy, but although ACIS is a wargame - a GMT wargame at that - the heaviest thing about it is your sighs when some Trojan mo'fo sends another batch of Barbarians your way.

The game plays up to six but is apparently best with four, for reasons of duration if nothing else. With four epochs to play through - each consisting of four turns, each turn a series of cards from every player - the game is long, although you can agree to play three or even just two epochs: plenty will happen in that time.

Everything occurs on a map. Depending on player count, some areas will be inaccessible, and yesterday that was half the board as I played the Trojans (green) against the Egyptians (purple). Set-up is simple: plonk some discs on your home turf: one disc is some nomads, two stacked are a settlement, three or four represent a city. Nomads from different civilisations can co-exist peacefully, but anything above a single disc in an area with your opponents also present triggers a competition.

But Competition is phase 3, and before that comes Growth Phase and Card Phase.

Growth is simple. For every settlement you have on the board and every set of two shallow seas you occupy, you get to add an extra disc to the board - either building up your existing presence or spreading out from it across the map. Each civ also has it's own little specialism that may come into play here: if Egypt has a city on the Nile, for instance, they gain additional discs and money (talents).

The Card Phase is simple too. But it's also brutal. Almost every card played has some kind of negative impact, some of them critical. Volcanoes for instant can obliterate the heart of a civilisation and The Breath of God (an Event: events are always played the instant they are revealed) screws everyone's plans up in a big way. To say it's swingy and chaotic is an understatement - it makes Battle for Rokugan seem like a gentle Euro. Four things help balance out the big hits however. One is the existence of Negate cards, that can cancel out another card's effect. Beware though - negate cards can be negated themselves, and a card used to negate a negate can itself be negated... and so on. And in a large deck of cards, they don't crop up as often as you might like.

Another is the Events, which often (not always!) give the player with the fewest points an opportunity to screw over the civilisation/s furthest ahead of them - usually by sending Barbarians their way. Third is the fact you can, instead of removing discs when instructed to by a shitty card, pay talents or discard cards instead - but this can be risky, as both can be helpful when we reach the competition phase later. The main thing though is the ebb and flow of power across the region - the classic get-the-leader of wargaming. This can happen not only from epoch to epoch and turn to turn, but even card to card. The ideal strategy is to somehow sit just behind the leader for the duration and never make yourself too much a target, but this isn't easy - when the leader takes a big hit (and they will!) you would be the new target.

Instead of playing a card on your turn, you can build one of the seven Wonders instead. These give your civilisation an ongoing benefit (unless someone buries them, to use the game's parlance) and also score you a point per round. But they are costly: you need to pay at least two discs from the map plus any three combinations of more discs/cards from hand/talents.

Investment cards are one of the few non-violent cards, 

functioning like mini-Wonders.

Once everyone has passed (you can play Negate cards after passing) the Competition phase arrives, which is the resolution of contested areas. There's no dice rolling: instead discs get removed in ascending order of stacks: first the nomads, then the settlements, then the three-stack cities, then the four-stack cities. This is repeated until there is either a single faction left, or only nomads. But of course you can - as you would in the card phase - choose to pay talents or discard cards instead. And some cards are specifically Competition cards that can help you out in a specific fight, or even all fights this turn.

If you manage to wipe out an opponent's city and gain/keep control of an area, you also get to Loot: taking a talent and a victory point to recognise and reward your wrath.

Finally there is Reckoning phase, where some discs may be removed if someone dominates areas of the sea (ie controls all adjacent land areas) everyone scores points for cities and unburied (and occupied) wonders, turn order is decided (most cities first) and new cards are drawn for the next round.

There are a few wrinkles - epoch scoring, sudden death step (the epoch may end suddenly!) and the possibility of a struggling player to explode the board somewhat by going rogue with the Aeneas Step during epochs 1, 2 or 3. If you're wiped off the map or at least 5points behind everyone else, you can invoke this rule (once per game) and give yourself something of a boost, introducing up to 16 new discs to the map either as your existing civilisation or a new one. It sounds a lot, but as you have 50 at your disposal in entirety, and most may be in play at this point, it's not actually a move you'd seek to use as a planned strategy.

Yesterday I played Troy (green) versus Egypt (purple), and Troy began strongly. Not only did they start well, they accelerated into a lead of over ten points. I was concerned at this point that Troy were simply drawing the more fortuitous cards, and once a lead was established it would - in a two player game, at least - simply be built on. However thanks to the Events Egypt was able to rally, as Barbarians attacked from the east and the north (and the less helpful south, but never mind) burying Troy's wonder and halting their advances south as Egypt counter-attacked. Troy's focus on expansion meant they had a huge presence on the board, but Egypt now had more cities and were scoring more points. The Egyptians raced in a strong lead and held it - with the downside being that they now bore the brunt of Events themselves. But owing to fortune, less events were appearing, and Troy had to change tactics. Once Egypt deployed heavily in the north-east corner of the map, Troy ceded the region and sailed south to the Nile, attacking Egypt's three cities and attempting to wipe out the Wonder there.

Endgame. Troy have decimated Egypt.

Egypt used most of its cards to defend the wonder and the city, in the end keeping the wonder intact but losing it as both sides fought over it for most of the final turn of the final epoch. In hindsight, Egypt might have been better to let that one go and attack Troy elsewhere - the vast spread of green settlements had been turned into cities, and in the final count-up Troy galloped over the line to claim a resurgent win, 60-58.

It's kinda nuts. BGG criticism essentially all says the same thing - that the game has no arc; that each civilisation has no opportunity to build infrastructure or the kind of advancements that allow for a more strategic overall approach. It is a reasonable observation, but my impression is this isn't an oversight: the designers have made ACIS very deliberately bunfighty and swingy, asking the players to police each other and the resultant pretty mess representing the ebb and flow of empires building and crumbling over the years. I would agree that kind of chaotic fight is probably better with a shorter game than ACIS's three-plus hours, but my game yesterday lasted two and I enjoyed every minute.

One king to rule us all

If a blue moon can be defined as the second full moon in a calendar month, then this Saturday saw an even rarer phenomena: a blue Time of Crisis. We had met only a few weeks earlier but a sudden window in Martin’s schedule gave us a chance for a quick return. Too quick for Joe, however, and with Sam unable to stand in, Adam T stepped up to the plate. He had some experience with the base game, so it was only a matter of explaining the rules regarding the expansion before we were on our way.

We started the game with Martin in Gallia, Ian in Pannonia, me in Africa and Adam in Macedonia.

Just like last time, the first crisis roll sent a sassanid into Galatia. We chuckled at the curious coincidence. Little did we know that the sassanids were by no means finished with us. Anyway, things get convoluted early on, so I'm adding a little formatting to make things more readable.

Meanwhile Martin (3B 2R) took Hispania. Ian (3B 2R) rolled a new sassanid and took Thracia. I (2Y 3B) rolled a second Sassanid and took Syria and boosted its support. Adam rolled a third Sassanid and sent them all onto the board: two into Galatia and one more to Asia. He then took Egypt. “The Sassanids are winning,” observed Ian.

In round two, Martin (3Y 2R) hired a general and built a basilica in Hispania. Ian (3Y 3R) built and army in Thracia and a basilica in Pannonia. I (3Y 3R) built an army in Syria and a basilica in Africa. Adam (3R 3Y) built an a Limes in Egypt and a second army there. “Right,” said Martin, “that’s the set-up done with.”

So, round three went like this. Martin (3B 1R 2Y) took Britannia and put an army in there and boosted Gallia before buying a very important Foederati card. Ian (3B 2R) sent a goth into Galatia to join the three sassanids already there and then moved his army from Thracia into Asia to attack the lone sassanid there, but could only draw 0-0. Deprived of the chance of taking it over, he consoled himself by buying a 3 governor instead. I (3R 2Y) boosted support in Africa and then bought a governor. Adam (3B 2R) sent three Allamani into Ian’s Pannonia and then he reinforced his second army in Egypt. He also did something else I didn’t note. Bought a governor?

Anyway, round four began with Martin becoming Emperor. He (4B 3R 2Y) bought a new army in Gaul, feoderatied a Frank into it and them moved it into Italia. With his blue points, a basilica and an Ambitus card he had enough to become Emperor of a handsome four-province empire. We had to attack. Ian (3B 4Y) got himself voted into Martin’s Hispania. I had 3R and 3B so I sent my African army up to Britannia to attack him there, but lost. Still needing to weaken him, I tried to get voted in their too, but lost again. A poor move. Adam sent an Alammani into Thracia and then revealed his cards - 6R 2B. “I’ve gone a bit fighty,” he admitted. But he didn’t fight Martin, preferring to reinforce his 2nd Egyptian legion and sent it into Galatia, defeated the Goth there, tributed the sassanids and got himself voted in.

Martin 20, Adam 15, Ian 13, Andrew 11

In round five Emperor Martin found himself in a lucky situation. He had a weak hand (2R 2Y 1B) but thanks to the Sassanids making Galatia and Asia difficult to rule, the usual situation of having one or two rivals with three healthy regions didn’t apply here. In his turn, he got voted back into Hispania and boosted support and then reinforced his legion in Britannia. Ian triggered an event: Bad Augeries: A dire situation with his Pannonia full of Alammani. He reinforced his legion in Thracia and pluckily took on the three Alammani. He lost, 0-3, so had to boost support there. He then beat the lone alammani in Thracia. I (2B 2R 3Y) sent three sassanids into my own Syria and then got voted into Asia and boosted support there, and then reinforced my army in Syria, tributing the barbarians there. Adam (2Y 2B 2R) beat the sassanids in Galatia, 2-1.

Martin 29, Adam 23, Ian 19, Andrew 15

Martin noted he had been untouched in the previous round despite his weak hand. Ominously, he then said “Now I get the chance to be a bastard.” He (4R 5B 5Y) used a Demagogue to force us all to discard a card and if we chose to lose a level 1 card, he could hit us with a mob. In the end, only Adam did that, so a mob went into Macedonia. He then hired a governor, sent his army from HIspania into Egypt where it lost to Adam. He attacked me in Britannia but again those two armies drew. He then failed to get voted into my Asia, so he boosted support in Britannia and in an audacious move, a thematically accurate insult to the rest of us, he built a useless amphitheatre in Italia.

Ian (4R 2Y) sent a sassanid into Egypt. He took his Pannonian army into Gallia to kill of Martin’s remaining Militia there, and then boosted support in Pannonia. I ask for an event before I rolled my crisis roll and I got one! Bad Auguries was gone, much to my relief. Instead, Postumus joined us. A rival emperor who would hopefully stop Martin better than any of us were doing. My hand was 2R 3B 2Y which allowed me to foederati a Sassanid into my Syrian army, and then battled them. Thanks to my cavalry I won, despite only drawing 1-1. I then hired a new governor and boosted support in Asia. Adam (4B 4R) Foederatied a nomad into his Egyptian army and beat Martin 2-1. With no yellow points, Macedonia was bound to fall to the mob that Martin had put there, so he sent his Macedonian army across the map into Hispania and got voted in there instead.

Martin 37, Adam 32, Ian 24, Andrew 24

Round seven began with Martin (7R 2Y 3B) in an unassailable position. He was voted into neutral Macedonia and my Asia to boost his support in Rome to five! He built a new army in Gallia and Feoderatied a Frank into it, and then killed Postumus with a spiculum. Finally he built an army in Macedonia. Ian (3B 4Y) was voted back into Gallia and boosted support there, and also boosted support in Pannonia which was still troubled by Alammani. I (2R 4B) should have gone after Martin somehow but by this time it would have only hurt myself. So instead I turned against my nearest rival and got myself voted into Ian’s Pannonia and tributed the barbarians there. And I built an army in Africa. Adam (1R 6Y) boosted Egypt and Hispania, put a militia in Egypt and sent a mob into Martin’s Macedonia. Finally, he killed the Sassanids in Egypt.

Martin 54 Adam 40 Andrew 29 Ian 28

Round eight and obviously the final round saw Martin play another weak hand (2R 2Y 1B) but by then it barely mattered. He sent more barbarians onto the board, though: 3 Franks into my Pannonia and one kept going into Italia. Martin killed that Frank, and then dispersed the mob in Macedonia. He drew against my wounded legion in Britannia as we both rolled ones. He passed sixty points and the game end was triggered.

Ian (1Y 6R) sent the Priest King into Syria with his crisis roll and then he reinforced his army in Gallia, sent it into Pannonia to attack the Franks. He lost 2-3. His Asian army attacked the sassanids and at least killed them. I (1B 3Y 3R) rolled Good Auguries for my event, which was nice. I killed the Priest King, win a battle in Egypt (only displacing Adam’s army, not wiping them out) but then I failed to get voted in there. I boosted Pannonia, just to hang onto it for one last round. Adam sent sassanids into Galatia and Asia again, meaning they pretty much ended as they began. Meanwhile he (2R 4B) Fought and beat the Sassanids in Galatia, although thanks to Ian suddenly rolling high numbers, they did a lot of damage as they died. Then he fought my wounded legion in Egypt - a 0-0 draw and I must say I was grateful for the points I gained this game by drawing battles with wounded legions. A new strategy perhaps? Finally Adam was voted into Gallia.

The score track of Emperor turns.

Martin 74, Adam 51, Andrew 40, Ian 33

We were finished in barely two hours. Ian was disconsolate, believing it to be his lowest ever score (I checked - it was). I was keen to set off early to try and beat the crowds of a nearby festival that was happening this evening. Ian came along with me, leaving Adam and Martin to play out the evening with some two-player options. Sorry to dash, but the traffic was already appalling and I think we made the right choice. Thanks for hosting, Martin and thanks for the beef jerky.

No shreddies

This week, five fifths of our most regular players arrived at Joe's house for our weekly battle of wits and cunning. The missing one sixth was Katy, but she had recently impressed us all with an email showing her playing Isle Of Skye while actually on the Isle Of Skye.

Meanwhile, we happy five (Joe, Ian, Martin, Sam and me) began with a new game called Irish Gauge that had quickly convinced us with its pretty illustrations and promise of a rule book with only two pages.

Thematically correct alcohol!

Since it was a hex based train game, I was more than keen to give it a shot, but slowly it dawned upon us that something was missing. Martin wondered if we were playing it wrong, not in terms of rules but in terms of strategy. And he had a point: we were approaching it in a very Railways Of The World manner, building up our networks and getting everything in place before triggering a scoring round. Should we have been quicker to get dividends, or more generous with our bids for shares?

Who knows. In this game, Sam wrestled for an almost exclusive ownership of the blue network, but it cost him dearly. Martin kept sole control of his network of orange, possibly because it was the worst on the board. Joe, though, was rolling in money. His yellow network paid out well and he bought an early share into my purple network, and seemed to do very well out of that too. His regretful sigh of "I don't think I understand share games," was met with little sympathy since he was the clear leader at the time.

Joe 133
Martin 111
Andrew 110
Sam 84
Ian 80

We ended with a feeling of disappointment, and we were unable to tell if it was us or the game that was at fault. Lots of mumbling about needing to give it one more try.

We followed this with a rousing game of Stinker. Three whole rounds! I made more notes this time and, assuming that the random nature of the game somehow gives it oujia board type abilities to see the future, I can safely say that...

A cure for insomnia is... Oddbins sale (Ian)
The app missing from your smartphone is... Nob Measurer (Joe).
A greeting you don't want your robot to give you is... Hi pedo (Martin)
The next big thing is... Slappy Bags (Sam)
Your mama is... A real hottie (Joe)
And the eventual undoing of man will be... Christmas Toffee (me)

Ian 53
Martin 28
Sam 25
Joe 22
Andrew 21

After this giddy encounter with over excitement, we kept up the pressure with Voodoo Prince. Ian started badly, winning a hand with a five, effectively giving him two tricks (remember, three tricks in a round and you're out) but he hung on long enough to pick up a decent score that round.

Then, in round two of three, Ian was then second to last to pick up his third trick, giving him maximum points. He was, by now, the man to beat. "We need to fuck Ian up," said Martin while yawning, sounding like a decadent dictator idly requesting the assassination of an enemy.

But it was all for naught. Ian got maximum points in round three as well.

Ian 31
Martin 21
Sam 19
Andrew 18
Joe 14

Next up was Zero Down, a game that simply eludes me. I assume there's a strategy, but I am entirely unaware of what it is. Joe, however, has a better grasp of the matter.

Apart from Joe's serene stroll to victory, the rest of us spent our time cursing the player who'd just picked up the card we needed.

Joe 5
Ian 13
Sam 24
Andrew 34
Martin 46

During this game, someone described their luck as being a car crash which we misheard (for comedy purposes) as "cock rash."

And also, between games, Joe informed us of some adverts he'd seen for a new product: fart filtering pants. The testimonials from apparently happy users made it very difficult for us to tell if the product was genuine or not. But these adverts gave rise to the phrase "no shreddies" which now adorns this blog post.

Ian left after Zero Down, but we remaining four had one more game in us: Memoarrr. It is a simple memory game that demonstrates with such clarity your lack of short term memory that you may start to suspect oncoming dementia.

It's so simple, 25 cards, in an array of 5 by 5 with one removed (the scoring cards go in its space) and all you have to do is remember what is where. And you have seven rounds to do it! Couldn't be simpler, but I struggled massively. Great fun and I was slightly amazed how quickly my memory vanished once the cards had all been turned face down again.

But it was great fun, despite my complete inability to get anywhere with it.

One round went all the way until the end... Didn't help me, though

Joe 6
Sam 5
Martin 4
Andrew 0

And with that, we were done. Time for us all to stumble home, full of the thrill of battle and alcohol.

Tap the Magic Dragon

This week's games night saw four of us regulars (Sam the host, Ian, Joe and myself) waiting for Adam T and Martin to arrive. With their eta still unclear (Adam had emailed to say ten minutes but no one saw it until hours later) we broke out Rollet, the panic-enducing table top action game. Sam and myself teamed up together against Joe and Ian. I made few notes but, then again, I didn't have much time.

Sam and Andrew 5
Ian and Joe 1

Then Stanley replaced his father and we started another game. We started it, but never actually finished it: the first point was an epic to rival Viking poetry. We battled and made last ditch defensive moves or threw everything we had in the hope of a goal, but for about two minutes we struggled to get anywhere.

Finally, Stanley got the vital touch and sent the ball into the goal and, at this point, we called it a game. Frankly, we were exhausted. Plus, Martin and Adam were now here.

Stanley and Andrew 1
Ian and Joe 0

Now we were six (Stanley chose to just watch the next game), and we all played a game of Frank's Zoo. As we got settled, Sam told us that he and his son were developing a game. Then, midway through the rules explanation, he interrupted to mention that, just like Frank's Zoo, the game they were designing was also based on animals eating each other and that chameleons were wild in their game, too. Must have been some weird deja vu when he was listening to Adam describe how to play.

The game was perhaps not best with six. We each had a limited hand size and I couldn't see any kind of winning strategy. Mind you, I was very tired. Joe and Ian got the hang of it much quicker and both went out in the style of a seasoned Tichu player, by putting down cards they knew couldn't be beaten.

1st Joe
2nd Ian
3rd Adam
4th Sam
5th Andrew
6th Martin

Now we split into two groups of three. Sam, Martin and Adam battled it out in Pax Porfiriana Pamir while Ian and I were introduced by Joe to the arcane delights of Res Arcana.

I had sneered at this game from a distance several times recently but now had it spread out in front of me. The iconography was easy to understand, at least, so even my sleep deprived mind could cope with it, but when Joe suggested we look for "synergy" in our hands of cards I admit I think I blacked out for a second or two.

The game itself, once it was going, was fine. I built, it seems, too many cards and never seemed to have much in the way of essences coming in like Joe and Ian did. I did, though, have options for drawing new cards and reactivating used ("tapped") cards, which helped a lot. I also sang "Tap the magic dragon" to the tune of "Puff the magic dragon." A joke I was so happy with I believe I did it twice.

Ian had a Dragon's Lair (complete with reminiscing about the gorgeous but unplayable 1980's arcade game) and a dragon to go with it, which he used to rack up points. Joe bought a Catacombs of the Dead and then filled it with even more death. It ended closer than I was expecting, and with a different winner, too.

Ian 11 plus he had more essences left over
Joe 11
Andrew 9

We had, somehow, managed to make Res Arcana last as long as a game of Pax Porfiriana Pamir since we finished at the same time.

Pax had begun (with metal coins!) mostly concerned with Russian and Afghan forces on the map and Adam stating "I'm not enjoying this."

Then, the next time I looked over, Adam had a large pile of cash in front of him while Martin looked distraught. I am also quite sure that, at one point, the map had no forces on it at all. Is that common? I've no idea.

The game went until the final dominance check.

Martin 11
Sam 6
Adam 4

So, since we were all together again, and with Ian and Adam making noises about an imminent exit, we chose Stinker! as our next game.

It's the game that throws up more laughs than can reasonably be noted. Adam scored early with his philosophical saying "Dis shit bites." During a round about something a mad scientist might do, I wrote down Joe's "Orbit a shit light" but omitted to write down the winner. Joe, by the way, managed to get the word "shit" into most of his answers. Sam's insult of "funp bungs" is also worth noting, if only for its unpronouncability. But Ian magnificently sailed to a null result, despite always coming up with something relevant but somehow never quite good enough...

Something about church slogans

Martin 53
Sam 29
Joe 28
Adam 26
Andrew 15
Ian 0

Once we were back down to a quartet, we played Yokai (妖怪 which means ghost. Doesn't seem to fit the game but oh well). This cooperative game is a bit Hana Bi and a bit Colour Wheel. There's a 4x4 grid of cards and each player looks at two cards and may move one (not necessarily the ones they just checked). The idea is to rearrange the cards so that the four colours are all orthogonally adjacent. To help us are clue cards that we can place on top of a card to tell the other players what colour a card might be.

It is a sweet little game. We cleared it pretty easily and scored 15 points which is Glorious, according to the score track. Highest is Legendary. I'd like to see that goal achieved one day.

After this, there was still time for one last game. We chose Heul Doch Mau Mau. Sam and Joe got a rules explanation and we were off. I got lucky with early sixes and sevens while Martin had to play two weeping onions in a row. "Give me the damn tissue," he growled, disgusted at his fate. And then, later, we all played weeping onions on the same round.

At the end, my luck continued. When the game was done and we counted up our weeping onions, I had four in my hand that cancelled out only one 4-card. All the rest of my hand scored.

Andrew 101
Joe 76
Sam 63
Martin 59

And then we were finally done. Thanks to all for yet another evening of exciting mental battles.

Memoarrr 49

The occasional Thursday Night Club was occasioning last night, but the faces were all different. With no Ian. Andrew or Adam there was no morose fatalism, pithy one-liners or emotionally hollow apologies for sneakily harpooning your best-laid plans. The gouty rules-bungler was present though (me), and so were Avuncular (not fat) Big Joe and sweary Katy, who kicked things off by yelling Shit! the first chance she got.

pic from Joe's earlier in the week

That chance was with Memoarrr! and an audience of two: Stan and Little Joe (less little by the day) and they added a tingling of performance pressure as we tried to remember where our walruses, penguins and lava were. I began as I left off on Tuesday, winning three of the first four rounds, but this was largely down to the assistance of Dirk as thrice I went random and pulled it off. However Katy's resurgence in the endgame - to a soundtrack of wails from Big Joe - proved decisive, as her three treasure cards outscored my eventual four:

Katy 8
Sam 7
Joe 0

It was bedtime for the boys, and I had to shout down Stan's protests as he was keen to play Memoarrr. I felt a bit mean but his first week in secondary has been a big one. Whilst he read upstairs, Joe introduced me to the joys of Mhing, the Mah-Jong variant in card form.

As with Mah-Jong it's a game of set-collection, with the inherent risk that whatever card you discard may help someone else make a set or even complete their collections (they get to shout Mhing if so). We agreed to play for 45 mins and I was unexpectedly the winner, having scored a measly 32 points. Officially you play to 500!

Sam 32
Joe 22
Katy 4

Next up was Men at Work, one of the hits of the summer in the Morrison household with even Little Joe admitting he liked it. It's a very simple stacker where on every turn you add either a worker or a girder to a growing construction on the table, but each one with some caveat regarding placement. Workers might carry bricks or beams, girders might transport things or have to touch certain other colours on the site. You have three safety certificates (lives) to avoid losing, and a quarter-way through the game can start earning Worker of the Month certificates by placing the highest piece on the construction.

This was the most geometrically-sound game of Men at Work I've played - lots of workers came out early (we ran out) and nobody placed a girder at a nasty slant, meaning our construction, despite being the product of a demented architect, never collapsed. Katy was a clear winner and I think Joe and I tied for second. Can't remember now.

Katy: P500
Sam and Joe: P60

After a brief debate we decided to play something we all knew, and settled on the Quest for El Dorado. I gave Katy a brief refresher whilst Joe set up a fairly tricksy route, and then we were off.

While Katy and Joe made slow progress over the first board, I lingered at the back picking up new cards. My plan was to get two Urenhwoners (probably wrong spelling; my edition is German) and reduce my deck so they came around quickly. Katy picking to up the Kartographer (add two cards to your hand) gave me the idea of combining with those two, but while I was busy admiring my plans I was falling behind, and in my rush to catch up had to somewhat reduce the idea of deck-reduction.

Katy, despite having to wait two turns to navigate the final jungle, sailed into the mythical city with Joe and I far behind: I kartographed my way into second place on the next turn but poor Joe needed two more turns to make it over the line. It was nice of Katy to wait for us though.

Katy
Sam
Joe

Joe got up from the table in going-home-haver, but I managed to reseat him with the offer of NMBR9, in a slightly abstracted return to building things upwards from the tabletop. The scores were 73-71-70 (I think) but I now don't recall who won at all. It's both reassuring and terrifying to know this is despite being almost entirely sober.

And with that, another Thursday concluded.

Night of the Grinding Gears

A monumental night in many ways. At parliament, Boris Johnson was being defeated by his own party. At my house, Stan was preparing for his first day at secondary school. And at Joe's, Martin and Adam - according to the host - were waving their dragons around "like scaly cocks" in Res Arcana.

Owing to the seismic events at home, I had arrived late. They'd only just begun Res Arcana, but I said I was happy to sit and watch, as the game usually only takes about 20 minutes to half an hour. But Res Arcana had left its brevity in the box, and prolonged silences were punctured by swearing or me gagging on Sybil's farts, as she laid on my feet and let loose. Martin told Adam his Elvish Bow was really fucking annoying. Adam didn't even say sorry. Adam sighed heavily and passed. Incongruously, Joe began whistling. Forty-five minutes later, Martin threw his hands in the air as the victor, but even he seemed mostly relieved it was over.

Martin 10
Joe/Adam 5 each

"That felt like a slog" Martin said, after his arms descended. Adam and Joe agreed.

Now a quartet, we briefly debated what to play next before settling on Songbirds, Joe's recent acquisition from La Rochelle. Then we debated how to utilise the scoring system, before we realised three of us were saying the same thing in slightly different ways. In this game players are, card by card, creating a 5x5 grid of birds (numbered 1-7) in each round made up of four types of bird - not being twitchers, we called them green, blue, grey and red. At the end of each row and column is a berry, with a points value. When all cards are placed, the bird with the most value in each column/row claims the berry for themselves.

Everyone has kept one card back for themselves, and now scores the points of that colour.

It's an odd bird, very thinky and made slightly thinkier by the fact in the middle of the grid is the crow, who devalues the cards around him. Like a condensed Five Tribes, you can't really plan ahead and so was positively pre-natal with pauses. We all agreed it was probably best as a two-player game.

Martin 58
Sam 55
Joe 51
Adam 50

The sense of underwhelm was still in the air and perhaps in hindsight another thinky abstract wasn't the best choice, but next up was Mini Rails, the stock and track-manipulation game.

Like Res Arcana and Songbirds before it, it was replete with protracted lulls as everyone tried to work out how to get screwed over the least. It's a nasty piece of work and you can be sure if you think you've got a break someone will smash up your dreams with a hammer in short order. Martin invested in beige early on and tried to engender support by insisting "The future is beige". He then told Adam that 'mean is good' when the potential victim was Joe and - ten minutes later - kind is good when the potential victim was Martin.

I floundered and only avoided coming fourth after an error in the final round by Joe cost him the victory and Martin a solo third. Both Joe and Martin said "Let's play something fun after this"

Adam 19
Joe 18
Martin/Sam 14 each

So the something fun turned out to be Memoarr, which not unlike Songbirds consisted of a grid of cards. In this case however you are flipping them over and trying to remember where they are. When it's your turn you must flip a card that matches either the animal or the background of the last flipped card. Everyone - in theory - knows the identity of three cards at the start, which you hope will be your handy backstop. But it doesn't always work that way.

Adam professed confusion. Martin expressed rage. Joe and I had a ball of a time though. You have to doff your cap to a game that has Adam muttering "I've got to find an octopus..." under his breath. Even Martin's palpable disdain dissipated as play continued over seven rounds, during which time you would think you'd get to know all the cards. But it's not as easy as it sounds - luck saved me on one occasion when I went Dirk.

Sam 7
Joe 4
Adam/Martin 3 each.

There was just time for one more sally into Das Exclusive as we ended the evening with Kribbeln. Adam, reeling from Memoarr, came surging back with a spectacular start but halfway through the game his luck ran out with his Krib ended up with an astonishing 35 in it. A great score, but he'd need 5 sixes to do any better in his final two Kribs.

Now Joe who was on Adam's tail surged ahead as Martin fell behind. As we entered the final round my slow-and-steady series of third or fourth places needed a fillip to put me back in contention and three second places got me within touching distance of Joe. But then he won the final Krib as we all imploded and took a convincing win.

Joe 26
Adam 20
Martin/Sam 19 each

A strange night of feisty games that surprisingly plodded a little and silly games that fared a lot better. The biggest fist-clench of the night was probably the news from Westminster. But as always, a total pleasure. Hope to see you Thursday!