Ones upon a Time Of Crisis

This month’s Time of Crisis meeting began with Joe setting up the game remarking how nice it was to have a game where we don’t need to check the rule book all. The time. Well, there must have been a mischievous troll sitting under Joe’s kitchen table who heard this, as we were pitched into a determinedly odd series of unfortunate events.

It began in typical fashion. Joe went into Gallia, Ian into Pannonia, Martin into Macedonia (of course) and I went to Hispania.

In the Three Blue Two Red round, Joe took Britannia (throwing the deposed neutral governor across the table and onto the floor), Ian took Thracia, Martin took Egypt and I took Africa. So far, so good, although an event card was rolled that sparked inflation, making our already weak yellow cards even weaker.

In the second round, Joe (2R 3Y) found a lone band of Franks on his doorstep in Gallia. He attacked them with his army there and lost, rolling two ones against Frank’s roll of five. He used his yellows to boost support in Gallia which fell straight back down again.

Then Ian (2R 3Y) found that he had two Allamani in the perennially invaded Pannonia. Clearly the barbarians were feeling feisty today. He attacked them but rolled two more ones against the Allamani’s rolls of 6, 4, 4 which wiped out his army stationed there. He used his one remaining red point to put the general straight back in again, though.

Then the Sassanids invaded the otherwise unoccupied Syria. Martin (2R 3Y) bought a general and boosted support, I think. It was quite boring. I (2R 3Y) moved my army from Hispania into Gallia to attack those Franks. It was so unlike me, I did it! And then I rolled yet another one. And so did they. A draw.

Round three and Joe had an odd hand of 1R, 3B, 2Y. That one red point was used to attack those pesky Franks in Gallia with his remaining legion there. He rolled another one! How long was this going to last? The Franks rolled a 5.

Ian (5B, 1R) found himself facing a surprisingly strong neutral emperor. Due to our being distracted by barbarians, the provinces hadn’t fallen as quickly as they usually do. Instead, he got himself voted into Asia and then finally broke the Jinx Of One plaguing Roman military rolls all game when he attacked the Allamani in Pannonia. He still lost, though, but at least he rolled a five.

Six ones in a row comes in at odds of 1 in 46,656 and if those odds were miles that would get you round the Earth almost twice. Astonishing scenes.

Martin (5B, 1R) needed to recruit a governor before getting voted in anywhere so he couldn’t go for Rome either. Instead he got elected in Asia, taking it off Ian. I (3R, 3B) pondered attacking Joe’s weakened army in Gallia. Instead I recruited a governor and then failed my (admittedly unlikely) attempt at getting voted into Galatia, needing two votes with one die. Joe’s crisis roll was a double one (“More ones!” cried Martin), which triggered a new angry barbarian in every homeland. Joe (1R, 2B, 4Y, I think) took Galatia, and repaired his army in Gallia and generally boosted support.

Ian stepped up with 3B, 2R, 3Y and a spare governor. Rome needed four votes. Could he do it? He foederatied an Allamani in Pannonia, moved the army from there to Italia. Now he needed only two votes. He was successfully voted in! Our first Emperor at 20:42. We celebrated with the first of our trilogy of increasingly spicy crisps!

The next crisis roll saw three Nomads pile into Martin’s Egypt. “Well, that changes everything,” grumbled Martin, paying tribute to them, building a second legion there and then attacking them. Two hits each meant that one still hung around at the end of his turn. Then he remembered we had Bad Auguries, subtracting one from Roman military rolls. It made no difference but “I wouldn’t have attacked them if I’d remembered that,” Martin said. And then he chucked a mob into Emperor Ian’s Thracia and built a basilica in Asia. My underwhelming move (3Y 2R) saw me build a basilica in Hispania and move my roaming army from Gallia into Ian’s undefended Pannonia.

The next event was Good Auguries! Hurray! We can fight better! Now Joe built a new legion in Gallia and finally beat those pesky Franks in Gallia. The first time tonight that a Roman army had won a battle, and we’d been playing for almost an hour.

Then another event (we were ploughing through the event deck) saw Palmyra Allies clear the board of Sassanids, leaving Syria free of barbarians. Ian attacked me in Pannonia using the army from Thracia (which he’ll lose to the mob no matter what he does). We rolled at the same time for dramatic effect. We both rolled ones. As battles go, not that dramatic. Ian got himself voted into Syria and finally the last neutral reign ended, but then Thracia went neutral instead. Martin (3R, 2Y 1B) killed the last Nomad in Egypt, moved his army from Macedonia into Thracia and boosted his support there.

Now was my chance! My big move (4R, 4B) that I had planned out. I tried to get voted into Syria, using all four blue points for just two votes. Surely nothing could go wrong. Well, it turns out Lady Luck wasn’t done with us yet as I rolled 1, 1, 1, 3. Just one vote. Disaster. (“You’d have won if you’d chosen Pannonia,” said Martin not at all helpfully) The second part of my plan was to fight Ian in Pannonia since I had a 2 to 1 advantage. But I rolled 1, 2 while he rolled a 5 for a single hit that won a whole battle. A shocking move for me. I refused to buy a card because my hand was already overloaded with level-2 cards and not a single level-3.

Then in the next crisis roll, the Franks invaded in numbers: three into Pannonia (still under Ian’s governorship) and one into Italia (under Ian’s Emperorship). Joe (3R, 3Y, 3B) got himself voted into Syria, built a new army in Galatia and must have done other things too, I don’t know.

By now, both Joe and Martin have level-4 Yellow cards allowing them to set up a Pretender Empire. The crisis roll saw yet more ones, and another Ira Deorum with a new angry barbarian in every homeland. Again. Ian put a mob in Martin’s Asia and attacked Martin’s lone militia in Macedonia. But Ian rolled a 2 while Martin rolled a 5, giving Martin an improbable win. Ian did beat the Franks in Italy, though.

The following crisis roll saw another event and by now it was looking likely that we’d reach the Diocletian card near the end of the deck that would trigger the end of the game. This round’s event was Ludis Seculares allowing the Emperor to discard a card for that amount of points. Ian discarded a level-3 red, pushing him into a significant lead.

At this moment (mid-round) the scores were Ian 31, Martin 21, Joe 19, Andrew 14 (with only Ian getting any Emperor Points at the end). Ian wanted the event deck to play out fast.

Martin’s move (8Y, 3R, 1B) saw him create a Pretender Empire! And he got rid of the mob, putting a mob of his own into Italia. On my turn, I fought the Franks in Pannonia. I avoided rolling ones, but still lost. I did get voted into Pannonia, though, keeping hold of it by boosting support.

Meanwhile, the mischievous troll under the table had possessed Joe’s dog Sybil who was currently disembowelling a cuddly toy. Made for her by Joe’s daughter. How tragic.

The next event was a Priest King in Joe’s Syria. Joe built an army and attacked Sassanids with a flanking manoeuvre. He won. I was distracted by the dog at this point, I’m afraid.

Thanks to the Ludis Seculares earlier, Ian only had four cards in his hand, 2Y, 4B and he had only one province (Italia) with a mob in it, a rival leader and a pretender empire on his hands. He cleared a mob and got voted into Egypt (rolling two ones out of his four dice, but still got enough). Joe brought out some monkey nuts, whose shells made such a mess that Joe had to get the handheld vacuum to clear periodically the table.

There’s another event (Preparing For War) Martin gets voted into Ian’s Egypt with lots of sixes. Ian’s support level in Rome is now on zero. Then he goes after Ian’s army in Macedonia and wins, three hits (from his militia!) against Ian’s two. He’s making this Pretender Empire tactic work.

Then there’s ANOTHER event, as Postumus pops up in Gallia. Ian’s hope of the Diocletian card ending the game before Martin can win might work.

On my go (5B 3Y) I became Emperor because why not. Ian’s entire presence on the board was one solitary army in Italia. Being Emperor didn’t get me much, but I was finally able to buy a level-4 card. Joe recalled a governor from Syria and got voted into Martin’s Egypt. He attacked Postumus in Gallia but neither side landed a hit.

Ian sprang back into action with his four governors in reserve he got voted into Syria, Egypt and then back into Rome! He was emperor again at 22.02 and my nine-minute reign was over, then he killed the Priest King in Syria. The scores now (again, mid-round) were Martin 37, Ian 36, Joe 30, Andrew 24.

Martin took Egypt and put an army in there to stop it changing hands all the time. He then boosted Asia. Meanwhile, the crisis roll sent three Allamani into Pannonia and another one into Italia. Martin’s plan on shoring up support in Egypt didn’t last, as I then moved an army from Africa into Egypt and won the battle there, getting voted in afterwards.

Joe kills Postumus and builds a Basilica before establishing the game’s second Pretender Empire! This level of anarchy had never been seen before, and we had to check the rule book to see if multiple pretender’s score extra legacy points. They don’t. Ian crossed the sea and attacks me in Africa and then killed the Allamani in Italia.

Then Martin, on 44 points, said he thinks he can end the game. With 6B, 4Y, 7R he sent an army across Europe, foederati-ing two barbarians on the way, to attack and defeat Joe’s Seat Of Power in Britannia. Then he became Emperor (on level 5 support!) and killed an Alamanni for 3 points. He did it! He reached 62 points and was Emperor and triggered the end of the game. I just had one move left. I didn’t make any notes about what I did.

Martin 68
Ian 51
Andrew 41
Joe 36

It was still relatively early, so we played Tichu. Ian and I versus Martin and Joe, just like on my phone (I renamed the AI opponents). Martin was lucky enough to have three bombs during the match while I was unlucky enough to have one round where the cards I gave to Martin and Joe gave them both bombs. But after four rounds the scores were so close (260-240) that we had a final round as a decider and Ian and I went out first and second for 200 points and the win.

Ian and Andrew 460
Martin and Joe 240

Phew, what a night.