The Great Crisis Roll Swindle

And so it began. Four would-be emperors carved up the known world from the sodden thick turf of Britannia to the fine dry sands of Syria. Having set up camp (Martin in Gallia, me in Macedonia, Ian in Galatia, Joe in Africa) they proceeded to push and pull at the Roman Empire like four children trying to wrestle ownership of a prized toy away from the other three.

In red, with a border. That's how important today is.

We began at 8.06pm. In our first round, we all took another state: Martin into Hispania, me into Thracia, Ian into Syria and Joe (unwilling to move into Egypt since Zinobia just turned up) into Asia. Then we all built ourselves a nice Limes because barbarians were massing on every border.

In this game, more than any other, the Crisis Rolls played a pivotal role. For example, on the very first roll Ian was instantly invaded by a single Sassanid, to mine, Joe's and Martin's delight. Then, as the mortar on our Limes was still drying, Joe rolled a Pax Deorum. Then Martin rolled a Priest King into Syria (and took Pannonia), before I rolled another Pax Deorum. This meant Ian and I had seven cards in our hands. Time to do some damage, I thought. But my military excursion against Joe failed and I couldn't get voted into Britannia. A poor use of a large hand of cards.

Ian was more effective, finishing off that pesky Priest King. Meanwhile, Joe killed off Zinobia who had, last time, remained part of the game for so long that we started resenting the fact she hadn't bought snacks.

Suddenly, three Nomads invaded Joe’s Africa, instantly placated by the sight of a Limes. Martin added to the confusion by chucking a mob in there too, as well as using six yellow points to boost his support across his three regions. After this, another Nomad moved into Joe's Egypt. I consolidated: heal an army, build an army, build a Basilica. It felt like everyone else was building an empire while I was just doing some jobs around the house that I'd been putting off until the weekend.

Joe has visitors

Ian took Britannia, and the neutral Emperor's level was now just one. But Joe had four nomads on his plate. Good Auguries came to his rescue! Especially since he only had one red point in his hand. He used it to kill the one Nomad in Egypt and his yellow points were enough to disband that mob. At this point Sam texted to ask who was winning. The standings were: Joe 24, Ian 18, Martin 16, Andrew 12.

Of course, with the Emperor level so low, Martin only had to stroll in at 9.10pm and take control at a healthy four-point strength. No army, though.

Martin's fledgling empire

But I was in no position to counter this. I needed a third region, and I had my eye on Ian's Britannia, even after a bunch of Franks decided to ignore Emperor Martin's Pannonia or Emperor Martin's Gallia and invaded Britain. Honestly, whose side were they on? I took it anyway, tributing the hordes into inactivity and grabbing a much needed Feoderati card.

Ian, meanwhile, was clustered in the Middle East and couldn't reach any of Martin's regions and didn't have a spare governor! Instead he was reduced to attacking Joe (ironically, the only player who, at that point, could stop Emperor Martin). Ian won and took over Egypt. Now he had a second basilica. He hired a new governor and then rolled three dice to try and unseat Martin. Failed.

We kept telling Joe he needed to attack Martin, but he had problems of his own to deal with. He drew against the Nomads still camped in Africa, so he boosted support there as a failsafe. Then he lost to me in Asia before failing to be voted into Rome with three dice. After this poor round, though, he was still in the lead while Emperor Martin tried to engage our sympathy by pointing out he was only in third: Joe 27, Ian 26, Martin 25, Andrew 19.

Martin, with little else to do, generally strengthened his position. I lost Britannia to the Franks, but gained undefended Asia from Joe. Then I moved a weak army into Rome, hoping for some exploding sixes for me and imploding ones for Martin to stand a chance of winning. Martin didn't even take a scratch as he wiped me out.

Ian, though, was in better shape. His seven red points allowed him to move a large army into Rome and win thanks to a Flanking Manoeuvre. That was the high point of his move though. He lost the election to be Emperor and then Gallia fell to a mob.

Ian versus Martin

The third Pax Deorum of the night was rolled! Joe took on the Nomads again. With Good Auguries, we reassured him that he just had to avoid rolling a one to win. He rolled a one. “We've all been there,” we sympathised.

But then he took Egypt with exploding sixes (“Ah, there are my sixes,” he bitterly remarked) and then Britannia with more sixes, paying tribute to the Franks still stationed there.

Emperor Martin was still Emperor. He defeated some Franks who'd had the temerity to invade Gallia, and then he took undefended Thracia from me. My move in response must have been pretty dismal, since the only note I made about it was “I have no reds”.

Ian went for Emperor and this time he succeeded! We had our second Emperor at 10.15pm. Three of us were pleased to avoid the ignominy of a one-Emperor game.

Joe's crisis roll put even more Nomads in Egypt. “You are fucking kidding me,” he remarked. Joe killed them though. He then had a choice with his last two reds. Attack three Franks in Britannia or one Nomad in Africa. “You'd have to roll three hits with two dice,” Martin warned. Joe played safe and went up against the one Nomad. He rolled three hits. A bitter victory.

Martin's crisis roll sent the extremely lively Franks into his own Pannonia. However, any hope that the game may be turning against Martin were dashed when we saw he had nine blue and eight red points to play with.

He took Syria from Emperor Ian (he needed five votes. He got twelve). He then used the Pretorian Guard to get voted into Rome and, to add insult to considerable injury, he damned the memory of Ian's short reign, slicing five points off his score. Emperor Martin passed the sixty point mark and triggered the end of the game

I stepped in and won an election in Syria, had a pop at some Goths in Thracia and lost a battle against Martin.

Ian moved his army from Italia to Joe's Britannia and successfully cleared it of Franks. He failed, though, when he took on some Sassanids and by the end of his game he had no governors on the board at all. “Ian is the governor of nowhere,” is how my notes put it.

Joe attacked Ian, and won with even more exploding sixes. His luck continues as he racked up seven votes from five dice to become Emperor of Rome! The third Emperor took his seat as the game finished at a remarkably early 10.42pm.

Martin 80
Joe 61
Ian 42
Andrew 40

“We got schooled,” was Joe's summary of the game. Martin's dominance was due to his skill but also a bit of luck. He became Emperor at a time when no one could attack him, allowing him to consolidate.

Since it was so early and we'd all mentally prepared ourselves for a game that lasted until midnight, we ended the night with a couple of shorter games.

I got my introduction into Krass Kariert, and I suppose I should be flattered that they didn't patronise me by being nice to the newbie. I got stuck with six extra cards twice. Twice! But Joe was first to lose all his lives.

Then we played a couple of games of The Mind in between trying to catch the bathroom when it was free, even at this late hour. Someone had a bath at midnight! How bohemian of them. We struggled to an unimpressive round five in our first attempt, and then somehow got to round six in our second. Joe's play was remarkably slow off the mark. He waited several seconds before putting a 31 on a 30, and then at the start of a round, he suddenly lurched forward when he saw Martin move in order to slip his 1 card under Martin's 3. Ian was the opposite, happily banging a 93 down on a 76 because he hadn't seen I had a card left. It was a 99, though, so we were fine.

We came through some crazy scrapes, though. Not enough to get us to the dark mind, but enough to send us home smiling.

How we got through this, I'll never know