Beyond Salvaging

 This week GNN saw a mere four members online (Katy, Martin, Ian and I). But while we were mere in numbers we were far from mere in enthusiasm. Notwithstanding being a bit tired and me being late.
When I'd arrived they'd already played Eggs Of Ostrich with Katy winning (K 19, I 12, M 9).

Next was the online debut of Senators, the auction-heavy card game of Roman political intrigue. Katy got a rules refresher which I needed as well. The game worked pretty well on playingcards.io and Katy was impressed enough with how professional it was, and she asked “Is it difficult to do this?” “Martin answered “Not really,” and then Katy clarified “Is it difficult for a normal person to do this.”

The one awkward part was how to blind bid whenever there was a war: everyone bids, highest gets a senator but everyone pays. Martin suggested a compromise: we all flipped over our coins in our player area and then, on a signal, dragged them onto the playing area. If you wanted to bid zero, you would just say so. It seemed to work well, especially for me when my opponents said they weren’t bidding while I dragged my two coins onto the board. What a cheap Senator!

Andrew 10
Ian 8
Martin 8
Katy 7

Next up was Salvage - a brand new game, not even on Board Game Geek. It’s a trick taker in which you have to avoid winning tricks with flaming boats in them. Doing so means you lose points. However, you have a chance to collect oil barrels to offset the damage. (There’s a story behind all this, I think, but it's pretty tenuous) But anyway, there are 15 oil barrels in total and the players are expected to share them nicely without the 15th barrel being taken. If that happens, then everyone loses points according to how many oil barrels they took. Greed is bad, you see.

Anyway, I had trouble getting my head around it, although I did enjoy Katy losing to Martin, Ian and I playing 1, 2 and 3 red cards (all on fire) and she had the 4. This happened three times. How we laughed. Especially me, since I had nothing else to laugh about.

Martin 14
Katy 13
Ian 11
Andrew -1

Next up was another playingcard game - Krass Kareirt. This game of playing increasingly high hands without actually rearranging your cards. It works well on the internet.

Martin 2

Katy 2

Andrew 1

Ian 0

At this point Ian retired to bed and we three pondered our next move. We went back to BGA because otherwise we're just wasting our money. We chose Can't Stop (which appears to have some kind of desert island theme to it) which I usually do well at since I'm usually able to stop. According to the end of game statistics, I went bust only once. Martin, on the other hand, had only one successful roll in the first half of the game.

Andrew 3

Katy 2
Martin 1

And that was that. Off to dream our dreams of success and derring-do. 

Rome burned, onions wept

Seven gamers and Joe's kitchen table came together this week in a resounding crash of bonhomie and rivalry. Joe, Sam, Martin, Ian, Adam T, Katy and me were all seated by 7.30 and we began with all of us collaborating in a game of Belratti.

This Dixit-ish game of detecting conscious choices from random chance is a firm favourite but are we getting to good? Since discussing our choices is not allowed, Sam hit upon a method of giving his cards a percentage according to how good a match they were for one of the two targets. This was quickly adopted by all of us except Katy who refused to reduce her art to a mere number.

We did well but, also, we got lucky. We linked wasp to a clapperboard because they had stripes, only for Adam to tell us that the real link was B-Movie. Too smart for us. And despite a lengthy discussion as to what was better matched to mouth: bread or cigarette, we got it wrong. Bread should have gone with the other topic - tiger. Tiger bread, you see. Well done, Martin. Sorry we didn't get it.

Us 21
Belratti 6

Then we split into two groups. The Was Sticht gang (Joe, Ian, Adam and me) regrouped for another attempt at the wily trick taker while Katy, Martin and Sam sat around the card table for a feisty game of Senators.

Was Sticht started hesitantly, with Ian having to have two attempts at explaining who won which trick during the opening matrix stage. Then the game was remarkable for a large number of no trumps, and for round three when I dealt out no green cards at all in the first half of the matrix.

The game was much smoother this time, with Joe cleverly choosing his cards according to one of the criteria ("no tricks", "no green cards," etc) he needed to complete.

But I won again! Is this the game for me? It was close, though.

Andrew 3 plus 16 on the tiebreaker
Joe 3 plus 13
Ian 2
Adam 1

While we finished that, the card table gang finished Senators and two other games too. From what I can gather, Martin was in the lead and then saw a sudden collapse in support, followed by the third war ending the game in dramatic fashion.

Katy 11
Sam 10
Martin 9

They followed this up with Heul Doch Mau Mau. I don't know what variant they were playing but when Martin said "balls!" in frustration, Katy replied "hairy or shaved?" I didn't note Martin's answer but judging by the final score, his frustration can't have lasted long.

Martin 114
Katy 85
Sam 83

They also managed to squeeze in one round of the word game Handsome. Sam won.

Sam 3
Katy 1
Martin 1

Then there was a period of reshuffling, with four crossword wizards (Sam, Adam, Joe and Martin) going head to head over a game of Montage. Although Sam did apologize beforehand that anyone paired with him would lose.

I tried to listen in to make notes but the only clue I heard was "Donkey" and its answer was "Ass". But I'm sure the rest of the clues were brilliant.

Joe and Martin won!
Sam and Adam didn't.

The rest of us played Downfall of Pompeii, which needed a little rule refresher but was otherwise smooth sailing. We were a little surprised when the rules told us that the owner of the game should set everything up but, since Joe was already playing Montage, we struggled on without him.

It was a memorable game Katy who got one Omen card after another, allowing her to throw her opponents into the volcano. She ended with no meeples left to put on the board when, luckily, Vesuvius erupted. I wonder if I got the Relative Rule wrong but it was wrong for all of us, so never mind.

It was enormous fun pushing lava into the path of our opponents so they died a fiery death. Kathy's early advantage lead to her victor.

Katy 7
Ian 6
Andrew 5

Around this time Adam left and the remaining three bashed out a quick game of Eggs Of Ostrich to fill the time until Pompeii was covered in lava.

Martin 11
Joe 6
Sam 3

Then the six of us played Stinker. Winning entries that I managed to write down were...

Why is a good man hard to find? Polio Death (Ian)
What's under the Pope's hat? Courgettes (Joe)
The name of a fairy tale? Alana and the Bum (Martin)
How to tell someone they have bad breath? Smell toilet to compare. (Katy)

Don't recall the category for this one.

Martin 32
Joe 27
Katy 25
Sam 24
Andrew 11
Ian 9

Then Sam and Ian left, while the final four played on past the eleventh hour with a rousing game of Krass Kariert, the card game of no winners, just losers. We all lost one life in the four rounds that we played and so we called it a draw and went home rejoicing in our shared non-defeat.

Waldorf Bamboo

This Tuesday found four gamers pitched up around Martin's table for their weekly helping of convivial fun. Joining Martin were Ian, Joe and myself: the four Time Of Crisists. But there'd be no Roman intrigue today, instead we began with Montage. Had this game been designed in Japan it would have been called something like Let's Build A Crossword Puzzle! since that is, by and large what you're doing. Each coloured counter represents five letters and clues have to be devised that your partner can guess before both of your opponents can (being ready to guess is signified by knocking on the table).

It was Ian's first game and I'm not sure what he made of it as a lot of the clues revolved around dogs. "Not a dog," was used twice: once for "cat" and once by Ian himself for "feline" (although Joe's guess of "gerbil" also fitted the letters on the board and was funnier). And, Martin's dog-clue trilogy ran like so: A dog with a point. (Spike) Round a dog's neck. (Bandana) And then, just too late for the game but he shared it anyway: A dog's skintight disguise. (Catsuit)

As for the scores, Joe and Martin ran into a swift 3-0 lead before consolidating with a 4-0 victory.

Next up was Blue Lagoon, Knizia's feisty game of area control in a Pacific paradise. In both rounds, Martin managed to build around a piece of bamboo in the corner, effectively allowing him to choose when a round ended. This Walled-Off Bamboo strategy soon morphed into Waldorf Bamboo - a panda's favourite salad, apparently. Hence the blog title.

During the game, Martin sped into an early lead but at the end of round one had only three villages, all in corners. I had four villages, mostly quite central so although I was in third behind Ian, I felt pretty good about my situation. Ian, like Martin, scored big for items while Joe struggled to get started and trailed a distant last.

In round two Martin found it impossible to get anywhere. Being in the corners and having three opponents actively trying to stop him made life very difficult. He did try to sneak inconspicuously along the edge of the board to reach a distant item and Ian was happy to let him do it until he blocked Martin off at the very last minute. Both cruel and funny.

I went for area control and a smattering of items, but this paid off as I bossed the four of the largest islands for big points. Joe picked up four of a kind and a set to give his score some respectability while Ian chained islands together, stopping me from doing so in the process. It was close, but I was very pleased to get my first win on Blue Lagoon.

Andrew 149
Martin 143
Ian 140
Joe 117

Next up was Krass Kariert, a trick taker where the value of the tricks don't matter, just whether or not you can play a legal hand. Also, there are no winners, just one loser and in this game Ian was first to lose all his lives.

Martin and Andrew, both lives intact
Joe, one life lost
Ian no lives left

After that we played a game of Potato Man, the four player only trick-taker based around potatoes of all kinds: evil, super and sexy. In the first low scoring round we sneered at anyone winning a trick with the red suit, deriding their crusty red sacks. In round three, though, suddenly Ian won two gold sacks in a row in a display of masterly control. He had the last super potato man in his hand and so was able to use his evil potato men without fear. His lead after this was so great that we decided to forfeit the fourth round, giving Ian a comfortable win.

Ian 28
Martin 17
Joe 11
Andrew 11

Then we finished with the old favourite, The Mind. Is there another game which so regularly serves up more close shaves and agonising missed opportunities as this one?

Round one was tough (27 was the lowest card, followed by 31, 88 and 90) but we got through to round four before we lost our first life. Martin and I were at cross purposes over 35 and 36. Surprisingly, we got those numbers again in the next round, but this time got them down in the right order.

Joe became curiously fascinated by the way a bottle opener rested perfectly across a bowl. We respectfully listened to his theory that this might be a major breakthrough in bridge building and we tried to not worry.

He was still rock solid in the game, though, and we reached the Dark Mind with no shurikens but two lives. We lasted until round three before luck finally clipped our wings. But none of the mistakes had been huge and we felt pretty good about our achievement.

A fine way to end the evening. We set off home having all won a game and then joined our forces together for a rousing co op finale. Delightful.

Sumo like it hot

This week's games night was held at a new venue, since Laura had offered to host with the proviso that space issues limited the numbers to seven. Once we established that we were indeed seven, we all ventured down the grassy alleyway to her back door: me, Ian, Martin, Matt, Joe and Sam. Laura didn't have many games of her own (although Duplo Lego caught our eye) so we relied on Sam, Joe and Martin to bring a selection.

We began as a big group around the kitchen table with Fuji Flush, and what a frustrating game it was with many occasions of promising runs of small cards being crushed by one big card just as it looked like it was about to make it around. Eventually, with four people on one card left, it was pretty tense for a while, until Matt revealed he'd been holding on to the 20 all along.

Matt 0 cards left
Ian 1
Joe 1
Laura 1
Martin 2
Sam 3
Andrew 3

Then we split into two dice based groups. Laura, Matt and Joe played Kribbeln and Martin, Ian, Sam and I chose JamSumo, a compendium of two dice-flicking games, one where you have to get your own dice off the board through a hole in the middle and another where you have to get your opponents' dice off the board, either through the hole or off the sides. It's the current hit of the Sam family, to the extent that his son called him to ask if he'd taken it with him.

The games take place on a rather handsome wooden board, raised up on legs, and I thought to myself that it's a rare board game that’s going to look better the older it gets.

First we played two rounds of Jam, the golf-esque game. In the first round, I think I managed to sink only one die and picked up 14 bad points for my troubles. (First round scores in brackets)

Sam (4) 4
Martin (0) 7
Ian (3) 12
Andrew (14) 18

Then we played three rounds of Sumo, which reminded me of Monkey Boxing in the Gamecube classic, Super Monkey Ball, except we took turns rather than the free-for-all bun-fight of the video game.

Maybe I got some sympathy after Jam, since I was rarely targeted in round one. But then I crashed out and round two ended with two points separating the top three, so round three was effectively the decider.

Andrew (17) (17) 31
Ian (9) (16) 28
Martin (12) (15) 15
Sam (0) (6) 12

It was short, sweet, unpretentious fun. I felt a bit bad for depriving Sam's son of his evening's entertainment, though.

In Kribbeln, Matt had a roll that met the criteria for that round and scored 35 points - just one off perfection. But Laura's three out of four Kribbelns put her in first. A classic case of Explainer's Curse for Joe, though.

Laura 20
Matt 14
Joe 8

Then, with all games over, we rearranged and split into new groups. And new places. With an last-minute eighth gamer expected, Andy M, the already cosy kitchen table was in danger of becoming claustrophobic. As such, Sam, Matt and Laura stepped out into the balmy evening sun to play more Jam Sumo on the garden table. Ian, Joe, Matt and I tried a new game called Pikoko, personally signed by the author, that Martin had brought. It was a trick taking game where you can't see your own cards, but you can see everyone else's. You don't play your cards and, instead, play the cards of the player to your left. Plus the aim of the game isn't to get the most tricks (or the least) but to guess how many tricks each player will win per round.

Your hand of cards is held in a plastic peacock ("Three-dimensional peacocks" declares the blurb on the box, clearly believing this to be a major selling point) which look nice but might have been surplus to requirements. Still, hats off to any game with rules in Lithuanian, Latvian and Estonian.

At first it all seemed pointless and deliberately obtuse. Our first round ended with us on very level scores, which only added to the suspicion that this game was a dud.

But in rounds two and three, things changed. People began planning ahead, and getting a correct prediction on how many tricks would be won became more and more difficult as we worked out how best to frustrate the other players.

Each player has a Confidence Card that they play, face down at the start of the round, which would get you three bonus points if your prediction for a particular player was correct or minus one if you were wrong. But there is also a No Confidence Card, which just gets you one point, no matter what. In round three, I felt that I had no idea which of my predictions might be right, so I played the No Confidence Card. Imagine my delight as everyone else's Confidence Cards failed, knocking them back one point while my card guaranteed a precious point at no risk. Martin was disgusted at my cowardly play, but I call it strategic.

Andrew 20
Martin 18
Ian 17
Joe 16

As a cross between Hanabi, Divinare, and Contract Whist it worked quite well.

Out in the garden Andy M had arrived and, although I missed out on the details of each game, Sam later texted me the scores.

Jam
Andy 1
Matt 8
Sam 10
Laura 10

Sumo
Matt 25
Laura 14
Sam 10
Andy 0

After this, they embarked on a game of Ganz Schön Clever. Meanwhile, the four of us in the kitchen considered what to play while they finished.

Martin suggested The Mind but Joe wasn't keen. "You're not jaded with The Mind, are you?" asked Martin, aghast. Joe insisted that he wasn't, but just fancied something else instead. The something else was Krass Kariert. This game only has losers, not winners and after losing the first two rounds, Ian was out in quick style. His situation at the end of round two was so hopeless that there followed a not-entirely-appropriate conversation about whether Ian had been fucked three times over, or just two and a half.

Since Ganz Schön Clever hadn’t ended yet, we had one more round, where Martin was out first.

Ian lost and then Martin lost a bit.

Ganz Schön Clever was just finishing up, so we waited to all join up together in a big game of Word Slam. I, however, found that I was also finishing up and decided to bail out before it got too late. I paused at the table outside long enough to watch the scores being totted up and so see Matt waste his foxes on his lowest scoring category, which scored zero. But Andy couldn’t be reached, not by a long chalk.

Andy 180
Laura 136
Sam 133
Matt 100

Afterwards, Sam kindly let me know the highlights of Word Slam, namely Matt’s correct guessing of the word (“box”) right after Sam put up the first card (that read “object”). Higly impressive. Then again, I can’t actually think of a more object-y thing than a box. Odd that.

Sam went on to tell me they tried the hardest difficulty level, and couldn’t get a single word.

Huge thanks to Laura for hosting and to everyone for just being you.

Staring into space

After a last minute email from Ian saying fatigue had caught up with him, we were down to four this week: Sam, the host, Martin, Joe and me.

Initially, it was just me, Sam and Martin. Joe was running late so we employed that old tried and tested method of making people arrive: start a game. Usually this prompts a knock on the door and a hurried putting away of the game for something more suitable for the newly adjusted number of players.

We chose Eggs Of Ostrich, and Sam seemed to be very rusty on the rules as he misjudged a couple of rounds. His wife, though, was very impressed by the "white smartie" playing pieces. And they are nice. Martin and I liked them in equal measure.

Martin 8
Andrew 8
Sam 5

Joe arrived as the game was drawing to an end. Since the number of attendees was just right, we played Decrypto, the Codenames type game of giving repeated clues to the same four words in such a way that your partner can guess them but the opposing team can't.

It was tricky, giving clues to the same words without making any obvious link. In the end, Martin and Joe demonstrated their mastery of word puzzles by constantly being successful in their clues and then, after Sam and I failed to do well in ours, they guessed what our words were too. Sam was so upset, he put the game away in the lid, and had to take it all back out again.

Joe and Martin: Lexicon of Love
Sam and Andrew: Words of Regret

After that, we pondered our choices in front of Sam's games wall. In the end we decided on The Expanse, the game that Sam has been mentioning recently as "El Grande in space". This gentle drip feed of suggestions had eventually got us interested enough to try it. Sam really should be in advertising.

The game didn't start well, when a strange difference between the printed rules and the game pieces had us second guessing typos in the rule book. Once we were started, Joe and Sam had moments of cognitive dissonance with Sam going through a scoring round confusing water bases with food bases, and Joe plaintively asking "What does 'up to three' mean?"

I found myself equally confused, but kept my questions to myself, preferring instead to play a non productive move and then realise what I should have done later. Martin was least confused, but that was because he'd hit upon a simple tactic and then stuck to it.

Halfway through the game, with bonhomie at a minimum and the clock ticking, Sam made an executive decision and thinned out the remaining draw deck of cards to reduce the running time of the game.

I think we all found it hard going. Since none of us had seen the TV show the game's theme came from, none of us were emotionally invested in it. But that's not an essential part of a good game. After all, I wasn't keen on the sight of ostriches in varying stages of sexual arousal, but I still enjoyed Eggs Of Ostrich. However, emotional attachment to the theme of the game can paper over the cracks in a game's mechanic.

The Expanse suffered from an enormous amount of text on cards, each one offering a game breaking option of varying strength to some (not necessarily all) players. Otherwise, the player could use a card's AP number and take that many actions, except that the action would remain available to other players. Or even, if you choose, the choice of keeping the card for a later round.

Joe decided that he simply wasn't good at area-control games, while I defended El Grande from comparison to this game. It was all a bit perfunctory. As I try and pin down why I didn't like the game (and I've already deleted two paragraphs discussing it) it occurs to me that it was really quite bland. Compared to Quantum or Eclipse or Impulse, it's a poor attempt at a sci-fi triple X game.

Martin 100
Sam 74
Joe 73
Andrew 72

After this, it was approaching half past ten, so what could bring us out of this slough of despond? Why not Krass Kariert? It's a clever game of whatever the opposite of deck-building is. Deck-whittling? Both Sam and I forgot the rule limiting a played hand to just three cards, which meant Sam's long straight was useless.

We all lost a life, which made the fifth round sudden death. It fell on Joe who had put the X card in the wrong place in his hand to react to the following round. How cruel.

Andrew, Sam, Martin 1 life left
Joe none.

Finally I was tempted to stay for one more game: The Mind. With Ultravox as our soundtrack, we made our way through the lower reaches of the game until we found ourselves in round six with four lives still intact.

Level 7 was cleared despite Midge Ure distracting us by singing "look at the sound of the voice!"

By the end of round eight (Joe had 14-16-18-20 and we ended with me having 63 and Sam having 65) , the last before The Dark Mind, we had one life but two shurikens.

We carried on bravely, not using a shuriken to blunder through round one. Instead we placed all our cards. We turned them over. Oh, we were so close. 3 - 28 - 67 - 66.

One out. One measly number. How cruel. But such fun.

Thanks for hosting, Sam. And I'm glad the wasabi crisps were a hit. See you all soon.

A Curate's Egg

Last night was my first Tuesday night games after a fortnight's absence - that's three nights in a single sentence! Ok, four.

Photos will be in short supply I'm afraid, as I didn't take any - maybe Sam can slot some in. But I'll add a cartoon called True Humility, by George Du Maurier, originally published in Punch in 1895.

Bishop: "I'm afraid you've got a bad egg, Mr Jones"; Curate: "Oh, no, my Lord, I assure you that parts of it are excellent!"

This cartoon was sooooo funny in 1895 that it gave rise to the expression 'A Curate's Egg' used to describe something that is both good and bad. What passes for hysterical may have substantially changed in the intervening century, but the euphemism is going strong.

Five of us were ranged around my kitchen table; I was joined by Sam, Ian, Martin and finally Andy B. On my request, Sam had brought Space Base, which I was keen to try - In an email earlier that day, Martin had ladled luke-warm praise on it by quoting mediocre comments from BGG, but I for one was unperturbed. While we waited for Andy, we decided to roll out a quick Knister...

This is the roll-and-write game of a 5 x 5 grid of squares which you fill in with numbers from a pair of dice, hoping to form decent poker hands. My first game, and I liked it. That agonising Take It Easy feeling of needing (and failing to achieve) just the right number to pull off a big score, but without the triple-figure addition and GNN standard bingo-calling. In fact Andy arrived just as we were about to start, so we all played, and Andy took us to the cleaners. Points are good.

Andy 65
Sam 47
Joe 41
Ian 39
Martin 34

We decided that Space Base with 5 players was worth a shot, and Sam began setting up. Almost at once my doorbell rang - the latest in a line of interruptions that included Sybil farting, Sybil scratching to be let out and Sybil scratching to be let in. By the time I rejoined the table I felt I'd missed some valuable part of the explanation - or perhaps it was the riot of primary colour on the table - either way I was discombobulated. Everyone reassured me that I'd missed nothing, we got underway and I gradually regained my composure.

It's been called Machi Koro in space, and I can see the similarities. Everyone starts with similar bases numbered 1 to 12, and on your turn you're rolling a pair of dice (the second game in a row we'd played where was the main mechanism, as Martin noted), and activating ships in those bases. Or adding the two dice together and activating that one base. Most starting ships give you money, or income, and you use this to buy better ships, from an offer a little like that in Splendor; three rows of increasingly expensive and powerful ships. There's even one, as Sam mentioned, that lets you instantly win the game once you've activated it a few times. As you replace ships on your bases, you gain abilities that can be activated on the other players' rolls. Unless you're Ian, who was dogged by rolls that he couldn't use.

taken earlier

There were a few instances of confusion with the iconography, and the rulebook stayed in play for most of the game - Martin was appalled by the size of it for such a simple game, and also by the typos. Meanwhile Andy had spotted and exploited an interesting strategy - chaining powers that let him activate the ship next highest up. With his 8 to 11 bays stocked with these, any roll from 7 upwards would allow him to activate his 12 bay. Now all he needed was a 12 ship worth all that effort. And right on queue, the ship Sam had mentioned that lets you instantly win the game popped up. And Andy duly bought it. This essentially put a three round timer on the game, and we all began scrabbling for as many points as possible. There was a slim chance that Andy wouldn't get the roll he needed, but he got it.

We all agreed that the sweet spot would be three players, and it was to long and overpowered with five. Sam and I both liked it, not sure about Ian and Andy. Martin said he enjoyed the company, so parts of it were excellent; like the Curate's Egg. Points are good.

Andy WIN
Martin 31
Sam 27
Joe 20
Ian 6

We packed Space Base off to Uranus, and decided on a game of Texas Showdown next - another that's been detailed elsewhere on the blog recently, but was new to me. I love card games, and this one had a similar feeling to Voodoo Prince - good with five, tricks are bad and all that jazz.
During the game I decided to make nuts. Walnuts dry-roasted in a pan, then doused with salt water and dusted with smoked paprika once they've dried. I'll make them again, but next time I'll pop them in a hot oven to crisp up again after the water, and I won't add as much salt - Ian found them too salty, having run out of beer. Like a trusty Saint Bernard Sam produced a bottle of San Miguel from his bag to quench Ian's thirst, and we got back to finishing Texas Showdown. Points are bad.

Martin 8
Sam/Andy 9
Joe 10
Ian 12

artist's impression of my nuts

Everyone graciously agreed to try out a recent acquisition of mine, a little card game by Wolfgang Kramer and friends called Fat Fish. No one had ever heard of it, and we felt afterwards there may be a reason for that. Players lay cards to a single row in the offer of three - following some faintly convoluted rules. If a row has five cards you have to take it, a la 6 Nimmt, and score one of each colour from it - any duplicate colours score you minus points. There's a fiasco card that nets -5 to the latest player to not be able to follow the rules regarding card placement - an addition which strikes me as an act of desperation on the part of the designers: "The game's too confusing. We could simplify it, or... we could add a card that penalises players for being confused!" Trouble was it wasn't quite confusing enough to make it funny, and by the time the fiasco card was with me, everyone had worked out how to play.

It was "Not an instant classic", as Martin pointed out. It would be better with three, but far too chaotic with five, and not enough agency for players to feel in control. I'd like to play again with three, but for now, we stopped after a single round. Points are good and bad. Like the Curate's Egg.

Andy 29
Joe 21
Sam 16
Martin 6
Ian 4

Sam decided to make that his last game of the evening, having a very early start to London the next day - we remaining four cast about for a final bit of fun, and settled on Krass Kariert.
It was Andy's inaugural play, and we all enjoyed it. Making pairs, runs and triples is satisfying, particularly with the puzzle of not being allowed to reorder your hand. Of Martin's recent card game acquisitions it's probably my favourite - though I didn't warm to it as instantly as Zero Down, it's got a bit more depth.
In this game there are no points, just lives. And Ian ran out of lives before the rest of us.

Ian 0
Martin 1
Andy/Joe 2

We called it a night, and it was a most enjoyable one. Not a Curate's Egg at all - wholly excellent.

The Great Crisis Roll Swindle

And so it began. Four would-be emperors carved up the known world from the sodden thick turf of Britannia to the fine dry sands of Syria. Having set up camp (Martin in Gallia, me in Macedonia, Ian in Galatia, Joe in Africa) they proceeded to push and pull at the Roman Empire like four children trying to wrestle ownership of a prized toy away from the other three.

In red, with a border. That's how important today is.

We began at 8.06pm. In our first round, we all took another state: Martin into Hispania, me into Thracia, Ian into Syria and Joe (unwilling to move into Egypt since Zinobia just turned up) into Asia. Then we all built ourselves a nice Limes because barbarians were massing on every border.

In this game, more than any other, the Crisis Rolls played a pivotal role. For example, on the very first roll Ian was instantly invaded by a single Sassanid, to mine, Joe's and Martin's delight. Then, as the mortar on our Limes was still drying, Joe rolled a Pax Deorum. Then Martin rolled a Priest King into Syria (and took Pannonia), before I rolled another Pax Deorum. This meant Ian and I had seven cards in our hands. Time to do some damage, I thought. But my military excursion against Joe failed and I couldn't get voted into Britannia. A poor use of a large hand of cards.

Ian was more effective, finishing off that pesky Priest King. Meanwhile, Joe killed off Zinobia who had, last time, remained part of the game for so long that we started resenting the fact she hadn't bought snacks.

Suddenly, three Nomads invaded Joe’s Africa, instantly placated by the sight of a Limes. Martin added to the confusion by chucking a mob in there too, as well as using six yellow points to boost his support across his three regions. After this, another Nomad moved into Joe's Egypt. I consolidated: heal an army, build an army, build a Basilica. It felt like everyone else was building an empire while I was just doing some jobs around the house that I'd been putting off until the weekend.

Joe has visitors

Ian took Britannia, and the neutral Emperor's level was now just one. But Joe had four nomads on his plate. Good Auguries came to his rescue! Especially since he only had one red point in his hand. He used it to kill the one Nomad in Egypt and his yellow points were enough to disband that mob. At this point Sam texted to ask who was winning. The standings were: Joe 24, Ian 18, Martin 16, Andrew 12.

Of course, with the Emperor level so low, Martin only had to stroll in at 9.10pm and take control at a healthy four-point strength. No army, though.

Martin's fledgling empire

But I was in no position to counter this. I needed a third region, and I had my eye on Ian's Britannia, even after a bunch of Franks decided to ignore Emperor Martin's Pannonia or Emperor Martin's Gallia and invaded Britain. Honestly, whose side were they on? I took it anyway, tributing the hordes into inactivity and grabbing a much needed Feoderati card.

Ian, meanwhile, was clustered in the Middle East and couldn't reach any of Martin's regions and didn't have a spare governor! Instead he was reduced to attacking Joe (ironically, the only player who, at that point, could stop Emperor Martin). Ian won and took over Egypt. Now he had a second basilica. He hired a new governor and then rolled three dice to try and unseat Martin. Failed.

We kept telling Joe he needed to attack Martin, but he had problems of his own to deal with. He drew against the Nomads still camped in Africa, so he boosted support there as a failsafe. Then he lost to me in Asia before failing to be voted into Rome with three dice. After this poor round, though, he was still in the lead while Emperor Martin tried to engage our sympathy by pointing out he was only in third: Joe 27, Ian 26, Martin 25, Andrew 19.

Martin, with little else to do, generally strengthened his position. I lost Britannia to the Franks, but gained undefended Asia from Joe. Then I moved a weak army into Rome, hoping for some exploding sixes for me and imploding ones for Martin to stand a chance of winning. Martin didn't even take a scratch as he wiped me out.

Ian, though, was in better shape. His seven red points allowed him to move a large army into Rome and win thanks to a Flanking Manoeuvre. That was the high point of his move though. He lost the election to be Emperor and then Gallia fell to a mob.

Ian versus Martin

The third Pax Deorum of the night was rolled! Joe took on the Nomads again. With Good Auguries, we reassured him that he just had to avoid rolling a one to win. He rolled a one. “We've all been there,” we sympathised.

But then he took Egypt with exploding sixes (“Ah, there are my sixes,” he bitterly remarked) and then Britannia with more sixes, paying tribute to the Franks still stationed there.

Emperor Martin was still Emperor. He defeated some Franks who'd had the temerity to invade Gallia, and then he took undefended Thracia from me. My move in response must have been pretty dismal, since the only note I made about it was “I have no reds”.

Ian went for Emperor and this time he succeeded! We had our second Emperor at 10.15pm. Three of us were pleased to avoid the ignominy of a one-Emperor game.

Joe's crisis roll put even more Nomads in Egypt. “You are fucking kidding me,” he remarked. Joe killed them though. He then had a choice with his last two reds. Attack three Franks in Britannia or one Nomad in Africa. “You'd have to roll three hits with two dice,” Martin warned. Joe played safe and went up against the one Nomad. He rolled three hits. A bitter victory.

Martin's crisis roll sent the extremely lively Franks into his own Pannonia. However, any hope that the game may be turning against Martin were dashed when we saw he had nine blue and eight red points to play with.

He took Syria from Emperor Ian (he needed five votes. He got twelve). He then used the Pretorian Guard to get voted into Rome and, to add insult to considerable injury, he damned the memory of Ian's short reign, slicing five points off his score. Emperor Martin passed the sixty point mark and triggered the end of the game

I stepped in and won an election in Syria, had a pop at some Goths in Thracia and lost a battle against Martin.

Ian moved his army from Italia to Joe's Britannia and successfully cleared it of Franks. He failed, though, when he took on some Sassanids and by the end of his game he had no governors on the board at all. “Ian is the governor of nowhere,” is how my notes put it.

Joe attacked Ian, and won with even more exploding sixes. His luck continues as he racked up seven votes from five dice to become Emperor of Rome! The third Emperor took his seat as the game finished at a remarkably early 10.42pm.

Martin 80
Joe 61
Ian 42
Andrew 40

“We got schooled,” was Joe's summary of the game. Martin's dominance was due to his skill but also a bit of luck. He became Emperor at a time when no one could attack him, allowing him to consolidate.

Since it was so early and we'd all mentally prepared ourselves for a game that lasted until midnight, we ended the night with a couple of shorter games.

I got my introduction into Krass Kariert, and I suppose I should be flattered that they didn't patronise me by being nice to the newbie. I got stuck with six extra cards twice. Twice! But Joe was first to lose all his lives.

Then we played a couple of games of The Mind in between trying to catch the bathroom when it was free, even at this late hour. Someone had a bath at midnight! How bohemian of them. We struggled to an unimpressive round five in our first attempt, and then somehow got to round six in our second. Joe's play was remarkably slow off the mark. He waited several seconds before putting a 31 on a 30, and then at the start of a round, he suddenly lurched forward when he saw Martin move in order to slip his 1 card under Martin's 3. Ian was the opposite, happily banging a 93 down on a 76 because he hadn't seen I had a card left. It was a 99, though, so we were fine.

We came through some crazy scrapes, though. Not enough to get us to the dark mind, but enough to send us home smiling.

How we got through this, I'll never know

Mhing the merciless

Eight gamers squeezed into Joe's kitchen for some pre-Easter gaming fun. Along with Joe were Martin, Katy, Ian, Stuart, Sam, Andy and me.

We began with a nice communal game of Fuji Flush. Sam's opening hand was so bad the he ignored the usual rule of keeping them secret to show his neighbours: a veritable blue rainbow of cards below four. His luck changed slightly during the game, though, which is more than can be said for Katy.

Andrew 0 cards left
Andy, Martin, Stuart 1
Sam, Joe, Ian 2
Katy 4

At this point we embarked upon perhaps the longest discussion we've ever had about what to play next. Splitting into two groups of four was obvious, but who would be where and what was on offer?

Slowly, one game after another was brought to the table with varying degrees of reaction. Heaven and Ale was an early favourite but there were worries about the amount of space it would need. Joe then made an executive decision and got out the card table. With the chance of a card game on offer, Martin quickly moved his chair and sat beside it. He even grabbed onto it and drew it towards him, making him even more snug.

With more room on the large table, Heaven and Ale became the clear front runner and, in an effort to avoid further procrastination, Sam was encouraged to set it up and see who was interested.

Katy seemed keen but didn't want to learn a big game so soon before her year-long absence. So it was me, Sam, Ian and Andy who set off on our monastic beer quest.

The other group began their card game trilogy with The Mind. This game of consecutive guesswork played out in silence, punctuated by muffled laughter. The only talking was between rounds when they discussed the previous round.

And there were plenty of rounds to discuss. They managed to make it to the Dark Mind where the cards are played face down. Katy wanted to pee, but carried on thinking that the game was about to end at any second. But it didn't. They survived one insurmountable odd after another and cleared round three!

At this point, Katy had to go to the toilet. Did this interruption ruin their flow? Or was the task too great to continue, since once she was back, they failed round four. But only by a narrow margin.

Then they played Krass Kariert, which I paid less attention to. All I recall is the occasional comment about how mean you could be to people.

Joe and Martin won
Stuart came second
Katy lost

Finally, they played Mhing, a card game version of Mah Jong. I kept hearing calls of "Chow" and "pung" but since I was now deep into the endgame of H&A, I didn't follow it. Joe helpfully suggested to me that "Fuck the green dragon" could be used as a blog title, and as I was jotting that down, Katy began the next round with the words "that is the south wind... from my anus." Since the pen was already in my hand, I thought I'd preserve it for posterity.

Katy 128
Martin 64
Stuart 32
Joe 8

The reaction to the game seemed positive, but mostly prompted a longing to actually play Mah Jong. Joe even brought out his briefcase-sized, slightly stinky, set for all to admire.

Meanwhile, in Heaven and Ale we were in the final stages. Or, for Ian and me, the death throes. Andy had overcome his slow start where his biermiester seemed unwilling to go anywhere in a hurry, and was now bearing down hard on the monktastic Sam. I, once again, failed to put together a money making machine.

Ian had a healthy looking board and spent most of round five sauntering round and completing a cheap shed, but then he couldn't get to the scoring tokens in time in round six. This meant for the both of us the final round involved leaping absurdly ahead just to score any points at all.

Andy and Sam were playing a much more measured game. They took their time in round six with money in the bank. Andy managed to complete both sides of his board, to our amazement. He tried to insist that he didn't know if that was a good thing or not, but he did so in the tone of voice of a man sitting in front of a five course meal trying to tell people that it might not fill him up.

Sam played his usual monk-heavy game and with a very highly placed biermiester, he did enough to see off the challenge from the young upstart Andy.

Sam 49
Andy 40
Andrew 23
Ian 18

Actually when we ended, Mhing was still someway off completion, so we banged out a few quick games. For Sale was first, with some peculiar tableaux of cards whose values were all pretty equally shit. People picked them up for nothing usually with me as the main beneficiary. And then, when real high cards came out, everyone overpaid for them. Everyone except me. What I'm saying is my pile of cash pushed me from distant second into first.

Andrew 70
Andy 68
Sam 58
Ian 44

Then we played a couple of games of Fuji Flush. The first can only be described as Friendly Fuji Flush, as we seemed to follow the cards on the table rather than ruin them. It was the first game of Fuji Flush to have a sense of community, someone remarked. It was also very short, with Sam getting rid of his six cards in six rounds.

Sam 0 cards left
Andy and Andrew 2
Ian 3

Then we played a more typical spoiling game. It lasted longer and, if I'm being honest, was more fun. There's a moral in there, somewhere.

Andrew 0 cards left
Ian and Sam 1
Andy 2

Now we were all back together again and we decided on Dead Man's Chest to finish us off. This was Stuart's first game so we explained the rules to him (not that that's helped in the past). And we were off!

Andy was out first, since he merely passed on the chest, raising the bid by one. He never even looked at the dice. It could be considered an audacious tactic but the truth was he wasn't keen on the game. After that...

Joe out by accidentally looking
Stuart out to Kathy's bid of Dead Man
Martin out to Katy's blind bid of 1-1
Ian out to my challenge
Katy out wrongly challenged my 5-5
Andrew out when Sam challenged me
Sam wins!

And with that, we drew the curtain on another night of entertainment. Thanks to Joe for hosting and to everyone else for their company.