Time of Crispies

This month’s jaunt across ancient Europe was remarkable for a number of things. Mostly because of Joe’s choice of crisps: Paprika flavoured and very nice, but in a bag the size of a small pillow with the words “XXL” proudly blazened across the top. While other people’s snacks filled the communal bowl once, Joe’s crisps filled it twice and then still had enough for an encore of about two-thirds.

That’s the important news covered: what about the fates of man?

Well, Joe set himself up in Pannonia, Martin in Gallia, Ian in Hispania and me in Macedonia. Joe put a sassanid in Galatia and then took Britannia in his first move. “Coming round my backside?” Martin noted. Joe made no comment. Martin took Asia. Ian rolled a Pax Deorum and grumbled that they weren’t much use so early on. He took Africa and used the extra red card to hire a slightly more expensive general. I went my usual off-piste path of 3B 2Y but had a 1R thanks to Pax. I took Thracia and hired a general.

In round two Joe’s harrowing past experiences in Pannonia prompted him to build a Limes there, and then he reinforced both of his armies. Martin built a Basilica in Asia and hired governors and generals. Ian built a Limes in Africa, mindful of the Nomads already appearing on his horizon. Then he hired a new general and put him in Hispania. My crisis roll sent two Franks into Martin’s Gallia. Meanwhile I built and army in Thracia, boosted support in Macedonia and hired a governor.

Round three, and a Goth joined my in Thracia. Joe hired a governor and got voted into Syria, despite the Sassanids (so often the bane of our lives) massing on the border. Martin had 3B, 2Y and 1R. He moved his army into Italia and with his Basilica and his vote-giving yellow card (Ambitus) he had five votes and took his seat as an early emperor. It was 8.40 and we hadn’t even opened our first bag of crisps yet. Ian got voted into Egypt, moving his army from Africa to Egypt anf then boosting support in the now army-free Africa. I took a pop at Emperor Martin in Asia but failed, and then got voted into Syria.

Scores so far: Martin 14, Joe 9, Ian 9, Andrew 7

Round four was a quiet one: Joe took his army from Britannia to Gallia and beat Martin’s lone Militia there. Martin boosted his support in Gallia, healed his legion in Asia and attacked me there and won. Ian hired a governor and was voted into Gallia, where he then boosted support. I rolled another Pax Deorum, which helped me deal with those pesky Goths in Thracia. I built an army there and killed them and then boosted support in Syria.

Round five started with Ardashir joining his Sassanid brethren. Joe moved an army from Gallia to Italia and beat Martin. He now only needed one vote to be Emperor and he had 5B points to do it. But surely he didn’t need all five. How many should he use? Just one? Four? In the end he went for two dice, and all he had to do was avoid 1-1. He rolled. The first dice stopped rolling almost immediately on a one. Joe flinched and we held our breath as the second dice continued its journey across the table. Finally it came to rest: a three. Joe had done it! He became a Populace Emperor in Pannonia, cashing in on his level three support there.

Martin was voted into Joe’s Britannia, built an army in Asia, moved it into Galatia and tributed the lone Sassanid there. Then he killed the Sassanid before building an army in Britannia. Ian built an army in Africa and boosted support in Gallia and Hispania. I built an army in Syria and reinforced it before failing to get voted into Galatia.

In round six Joe sent a flood of five Sassanids with two (two!) barbarian leaders onto the board with his crisis roll. But did they go to Martin’s Galatia and Asia which were only defended by one wounded legion each? No, they went south, to my Syria and Ian’s Egypt that were both defended by two fully fit legions each. Foolish Sassanids. Meanwhile, Emperor Joe got voted into Gallia and put an army there. Martin healed his two wounded legions and bought a governor.

Ian (4R 9Y) now became a Pretender Emperor! His first ever! But then power went to his head as he realised he might actually be able to become real Emperor. He killed off the Sassanids in Egypt, used his Vulgus card to turn Joe’s Gallia neutral. Then just needed to get voted into Rome with his Pretorian guard. Unfortunately two ones among his dice meant he failed. It would’ve been a perfect plan. After all that excitement, I added a legion to my Syrian army and then foederatied a Sassanid into my ranks, in preparation for my big battle against two barbarian leaders next turn. And I got voted into Gallia where I boosted my support.

Round seven: Emperor Joe got voted into Gallia, beat the Franks that had been there since the start of the game, and then boosted support in Pannonia to an eye-watering fourth level, perfect for a populace emperor such as him: eight points for being emperor.

Martin went on the warpath. He foederatied a Sassinaid into his Galatian army and then sent it across the map into Italia to fight Joe. He had Flanking Manoeuvre and Force March cards in his hand so surely he had a chance. Alas, Joe was spoiling for a fight and rolled 6-6-6 in the first battle, and then 6-6-6-6-4 in the second. Despite being evenly matched, Martin was wiped out while Joe only lost one barbarian legion. “You utter bastard,” declared Martin while devising a new title for our current Emperor: Cuntus Maximus. Martin tried to get voted into Rome anyway, but failed.

Ian tributed the Nomads in Egypt after failing to kill them and then failed to get voted into Rome, needing 4 votes from 3 dice, rolling 3-1-1. I killed the two leaders in Syria and then got myself voted into Rome! However, Joe’s army and Ian’s pretender empire weakened me immediately and I only got four points for my troubles.

Scores so far: Joe 51, Martin 38, Ian 34, Andrew 28

The start of round eight saw Joe poised just nine points from victory and with ample resources to do it, too. I was worried about getting lapped. Joe rolled a Pax Deorum, which was a stroke of luck for all of us. Then Joe neutralised my Thracia with a Mobile Vulgus and got voted back into Rome. Of course he was a populace emperor in Pannonia for a cool eight point bonus. And he still had 6R points left! He killed Alammani in Pannonia and then reinforced in Italia and Gallia.

Martin, in his last turn, got voted into Rome but couldn’t unseat Ian in Africa to topple his pretender empire. Ian found some Nomads turning up in Egypt and killed them for points. Then did the same in Africa and then got voted into Rome with a very Ian roll: 2-2-1. The very least he could have rolled and succeeded. He became a populace emperor in Hispania and this turn saw him go from 34 points to 56 in one turn.

My turn was bound to be an anticlimax but was pretty fruitful all the same. My Syrian army, with the blood of fallen barbarian leaders still fresh on their faces, went to Hispania and killed Ian there with a Spiculum softening up Ian’s defences beforehand. Then I got voted into Hispania, turning the Emperor neutral on level one so it was a mere formality to become emperor right at the end.

Joe 74
Ian 62
Martin 55
Andrew 47

Another epic saga. Joe rode his luck (or, more exactly, our bad luck) and my last place was never in doubt, despite me being emperor twice. Ian’s second place was well deserved and, with a little more luck, things could’ve been very different. If he’d become Emperor in round six Joe’s victory would've been far less assured.

Then we ended with The Mind. Would we be able to get back in sync after hours of being at loggerheads? No, not really. We failed by round six or seven, constantly treading on each other’s mental toes. Notably, I should've guessed what one of cards was after Joe took a photo of his hand in round two. His first card was a 37 and if I'd stopped to think about it, I might have worked out that his other was 73 - which it was and which is why Joe thought it worth a photo.

Cheers for the evening everyone.