Franks, but no Franks

Once upon a time there were three great empires, and another not-so-great empire. Perhaps not even an empire at all. More like a loose economic union. Anyway, this night we told the story of those great empires, and the men behind them: their trials, their tribulations, their... Time of Crisis.

Ian, Martin and I arrived at the same time to find the game set up, not in Joe’s kitchen downstairs, but in the room by the front door (the study?). We took some time to appreciate our new surroundings before beginning the game at 7.45.

Joe began like a man with a mission. He was first to draw blood, his single militia hitting an Alamanni three times. Then he moved an army into Rome and made a bid to be Emperor. He needed five votes with three dice. He got four. Martin, frustrated by Joe doing exactly what he was going to do for the first three rounds, attacked Joe for want of anything better to do.

A familiar feeling for Joe as he's attacked

by barbarians in Pannonia

Even at this early stage, I was falling behind and, keen to get some points, I chased after some Sassanids and killed them, only for another bunch of them to rise up and invade my now-undefended Galatia. How we laughed at their sneaky ways.

Emperor Joe!

Joe was finally crowned Emperor at 8.45. A momentous occasion. Martin’s presence on the board stretched from Britain down to Greece, but his resources were so thinly spread that he couldn’t keep Gallia, and Pannonia and Macedonia were entirely undefended. Surely a hopeless position.

Talking of hopeless, Galatia was now hosting two of the worst armies in history, as both repeatedly rolled non-hits at each other. Eventually, my support whittled away to nothing and I was ousted. My four-region potential empire was now split in two and I had to waste more time putting it back together.

Galatia falls after two rounds of non-violent uprising

Ian failed to beat Joe in an election, and so he stirred up unrest in Rome with a mob. Martin’s turns were long and complicated, like a series summary of Game Of Thrones on Wikipedia. He became Emperor and took back Gallia in one turn after some carefully considered probabilities with dice rolls. But then Postumus suddenly turned up, weakening support in both Gallia and Rome, sending Martin to new levels of frustration.

And if that weren’t enough, Ian became a Pretender Emperor, making Martin’s job even harder. Joe then suggested that Ian should attack Martin and went into so much detail that Martin complained.

Pretender Ian eyes Rome from across the sea

With the time at 10.00, Martin had 40 points, Joe 33, Ian 30 and me 24.

Emperor Martin had no choice but to attack Pretender Ian. His best army steamed into Hispania, but it could only muster one hit against Ian’s three. Martin used his a flanking manoeuvre! Hope sprang eternal and the battle was run again. But Martin still couldn’t manage more that one hit, and Ian’s single hit was enough for a draw and Martin’s attack was repelled.

Spillage!

With Martin’s support in Rome at an all time low, I tried to become Emperor in a desperate attempt to do something this evening apart from lose to barbarians. But I lacked the blue cards to recall a governor and have a chance in the election. My deck of cards was lean, but with only ten in my pack, it meant that every other turn I had no choice at all in what cards I played. A dismal situation.

Joe tried to flick Lampedusa off the map, thinking it was a crumb. Real Roman emperors probably did the same.

Ian then became the real Emperor, putting him in a commanding lead. Joe gave up on winning and attacked Martin in a bid for second. Martin now only had one territory – the far-flung, mostly ignored Brittania. But he was not downbeat. “I think I have options,” he said, ominously. He regained his throne in Rome and saw off the invading Franks in yet another epic move. Joe got out the whiskey.

Ian fought back, became emperor again and played the Damnatio Memoriae card meaning the previous emperor loses points. This also put him past 60, triggering the end of the game. Joe spent his last turn attacking and beating barbarians, while Martin took Thracia, became Emperor and, in an audacious move, his otherwise dormant Britannic army swept into Northern Sahara and took out some Nomads. It was enough to give him a close victory after three and a half hours.

Martin checks his British troops

Martin 72
Ian 70
Joe 66
Andrew 38

It was just past eleven, but we still had one more game in us so we got out Las Vegas, inviting Dirk along, allowing him to pick up points if the neutral dice happened to win any money. Martin got the pieces out of the box, surprised that Joe had kept the cardboard sprues that the casino tiles had originally come in. “You’re a sprue-saver?” he asked, incredulously.

My Time of Crisis luck stayed with me in round one as I said “Watch me roll two twos,” since it would be my worst possible result. I rolled two twos.

I took quite a lot of photos, clearly thinking it’d help me remember the exciting situations we found ourselves in, but now they just look like pictures of dice. I barely recall a thing, although my notes tell me we were still discussing Time of Crisis during round two.

The game ended with Martin winning again, while Dirk avoided last place for a change.

Martin 420,000
Joe 390,000
Andrew 350,000
Dirk 230,000
Ian 220,000

And so, with midnight a distant memory, we set off home. Another evening of epic tales of empires, pretenders and barbarians behind us. Thanks all.

Even Cybil was exhausted