Night of the Grinding Gears

A monumental night in many ways. At parliament, Boris Johnson was being defeated by his own party. At my house, Stan was preparing for his first day at secondary school. And at Joe's, Martin and Adam - according to the host - were waving their dragons around "like scaly cocks" in Res Arcana.

Owing to the seismic events at home, I had arrived late. They'd only just begun Res Arcana, but I said I was happy to sit and watch, as the game usually only takes about 20 minutes to half an hour. But Res Arcana had left its brevity in the box, and prolonged silences were punctured by swearing or me gagging on Sybil's farts, as she laid on my feet and let loose. Martin told Adam his Elvish Bow was really fucking annoying. Adam didn't even say sorry. Adam sighed heavily and passed. Incongruously, Joe began whistling. Forty-five minutes later, Martin threw his hands in the air as the victor, but even he seemed mostly relieved it was over.

Martin 10
Joe/Adam 5 each

"That felt like a slog" Martin said, after his arms descended. Adam and Joe agreed.

Now a quartet, we briefly debated what to play next before settling on Songbirds, Joe's recent acquisition from La Rochelle. Then we debated how to utilise the scoring system, before we realised three of us were saying the same thing in slightly different ways. In this game players are, card by card, creating a 5x5 grid of birds (numbered 1-7) in each round made up of four types of bird - not being twitchers, we called them green, blue, grey and red. At the end of each row and column is a berry, with a points value. When all cards are placed, the bird with the most value in each column/row claims the berry for themselves.

Everyone has kept one card back for themselves, and now scores the points of that colour.

It's an odd bird, very thinky and made slightly thinkier by the fact in the middle of the grid is the crow, who devalues the cards around him. Like a condensed Five Tribes, you can't really plan ahead and so was positively pre-natal with pauses. We all agreed it was probably best as a two-player game.

Martin 58
Sam 55
Joe 51
Adam 50

The sense of underwhelm was still in the air and perhaps in hindsight another thinky abstract wasn't the best choice, but next up was Mini Rails, the stock and track-manipulation game.

Like Res Arcana and Songbirds before it, it was replete with protracted lulls as everyone tried to work out how to get screwed over the least. It's a nasty piece of work and you can be sure if you think you've got a break someone will smash up your dreams with a hammer in short order. Martin invested in beige early on and tried to engender support by insisting "The future is beige". He then told Adam that 'mean is good' when the potential victim was Joe and - ten minutes later - kind is good when the potential victim was Martin.

I floundered and only avoided coming fourth after an error in the final round by Joe cost him the victory and Martin a solo third. Both Joe and Martin said "Let's play something fun after this"

Adam 19
Joe 18
Martin/Sam 14 each

So the something fun turned out to be Memoarr, which not unlike Songbirds consisted of a grid of cards. In this case however you are flipping them over and trying to remember where they are. When it's your turn you must flip a card that matches either the animal or the background of the last flipped card. Everyone - in theory - knows the identity of three cards at the start, which you hope will be your handy backstop. But it doesn't always work that way.

Adam professed confusion. Martin expressed rage. Joe and I had a ball of a time though. You have to doff your cap to a game that has Adam muttering "I've got to find an octopus..." under his breath. Even Martin's palpable disdain dissipated as play continued over seven rounds, during which time you would think you'd get to know all the cards. But it's not as easy as it sounds - luck saved me on one occasion when I went Dirk.

Sam 7
Joe 4
Adam/Martin 3 each.

There was just time for one more sally into Das Exclusive as we ended the evening with Kribbeln. Adam, reeling from Memoarr, came surging back with a spectacular start but halfway through the game his luck ran out with his Krib ended up with an astonishing 35 in it. A great score, but he'd need 5 sixes to do any better in his final two Kribs.

Now Joe who was on Adam's tail surged ahead as Martin fell behind. As we entered the final round my slow-and-steady series of third or fourth places needed a fillip to put me back in contention and three second places got me within touching distance of Joe. But then he won the final Krib as we all imploded and took a convincing win.

Joe 26
Adam 20
Martin/Sam 19 each

A strange night of feisty games that surprisingly plodded a little and silly games that fared a lot better. The biggest fist-clench of the night was probably the news from Westminster. But as always, a total pleasure. Hope to see you Thursday!

Sometimes you get what you ask for

With Ian away giving his dad whiskey for breakfast or something, super-sub Sam stepped in to make up our regular foursome. He wasn’t on top form, however, having recently spent some quality time with the toilet for reasons he couldn’t fathom. Joe drove us to Martin’s house where we set up with the easy familiarity that you might expect after two years. Previous leader Joe omoniously predicted that he was in for “a big loss”. We rolled to see who’d start and three of us rolled nines. I was the only one to roll a nine after that, so I began.

I started in Gallia, Sam in Pannonia, Martin in Macedonia and Joe in Thracia.

In round one we all went two red, three blue and took identical options. But before that, the very first crisis roll sent a Sassanid onto the board, into Galatia. I think that’s the first time that a barbarian made a move before a human did.

I took Hispania, Sam took Britannia, Martin took Africa and Joe (after a second Sassanid went into Syria) took Asia.

In round two I hired a general and built a basilica in Hispania. Sam did the same, putting his building in Britannia. But by now every barbarian had a least one active tribe on our borders. Then Martin sent a Nomad into his own Africa. He had to kill it off, meaning he couldn’t hire a general, but he still built a Basilica in Macedonia. Joe hired a general and built a Limes in Thracia.

In round three I got voted into Syria and tributed the Sassanid there. Sam sent a Nomad into unoccupied Aegyptus and was then voted in there, tributing the Nomad. Martin said “I’m buggered unless I roll Pax Deorum,” at which point he rolled 1-1. The exact opposite of what he needed as new barbarians appeared on our borders.

However, Martin’s pessimism with his 4B 2R hand was unjustified as he moved his army from Africa to Italia, meaning he needed just three votes to unseat the neutral emperor. He hired a governor and still had two blue points left over and a Basilica: three votes! He was the game’s first emperor at 8.27pm.

Joe began his dalliance with bad luck tonight by sending three Alamanni from their homelands into his own Thracia. They were placated by a Limes, but it was still an unwelcome invasion. Meanwhile, he got voted into Emperor Martin’s undefended Africa and then Tributed the Nomad in Sam’s Africa for “unspecified favours” in the future.

The scores now were Martin 15, Andrew 9, Sam 9, Joe 9

In round four I added a legion to Syria and killed the Sassanid there. My plan at the time was to rack up points by building a super army in the east and wander around, killing barbarians, since that seemed to be the way the game was going. And I built a Limes in Gallia.

Sam sent two more Goths into Joe’s already over-populated Thracia. Plus, Sam had a hand of nine blue points which was ample to unseat Martin and become Emperor at 8.39. It was a short lived reign as Martin’s “rainbow hand” (3R 3B 3Y) allowed him straight back into the senate again as the Emperor of a very small empire (Just Italia and Macedonia), and he built a second army in Macedonia. But not before his crisis roll had put a third Goth into Thracia. Joe was not reassured by the fact that it was now impossible for another barbarian to invade because Thracia was full.

Joe, meanwhile, had things to do. With 5R and 2Y he added a legion in Thracia, attacked the Allamani and wiped them out, but got three hits in reply losing his militia and wounding both legions. He healed one legion and used a Forced March to attack the Goths. They won, two hits to Joe’s one but were still inactive thanks to Joe’s Limes. Then he boosted support in Africa.

Martin 20, Joe 18, Andrew 17, Sam 16

Round five saw an Alamanni go into Sam’s Pannonia. I foederatied the Nomad in Aegyptus into my Syrian army and then moved it up to Galatia, beating the Sassanid there for points. I then had enough blue points that I was able to buy my level five governor! And had enough left over to get voted into Galatia. I was feeling good about my position with four territories: Hispania, Gallia, Galatia and the undefended Syria. But I’d been here before and seen it all go wrong so I wasn’t about to get carried away.

Sam then sent three Franks into his own Britannia. This caused a quandry. Which should he save? Britannia or Pannonia? And with only 2Y 3R to do it. HIs response was neat and efficient. He attacked and beat the Alamanni in Pannonia, boosted support in Britannia and added a legion there in preparation for the battle to come.

Emperor Martin finally rolled a seven for the crisis roll. The first of the game! “Posthumus. Fuck.” said Martin as he drew himself a rival emperor. It went into my Gallia which at first was annoying but then I thought it might be useful to keep him alive to stop Martin getting any more Emperor turns. Martin 92R 2B 1Y) moved his army from Macedonia to my Syria and got voted in there.

Joe (4B 3R) took his army from Africa to Italia and fought Martin there, losing 2-1. He then bought a level four governor before ending his “desperately shit turn.”

Martin 28, Andrew 26, Sam 23, Joe 22

Round six began with me rolling another 1-1 crisis roll. Ira Deorum! Barbarians appeared on all borders again. With my 2Y 2B 4R I added legions to Hispania and Gallia, bought a level two governor and boosted support in Gallia which then fell back down thanks to Postumus. A quite round, but deliberately so. I had plans.

Sam’s crisis roll sent four goths onto the board: three into Joe’s Asia and one carried on into Martin’s Macedonia. He (4R 2Y 3B) used his Spiculum to wipe out the remaining Franks in Britannia, and then boosted support in Pannonia. He tried to get voted into Joe’s undefended Africa, needing four votes with three dice, but only got three votes. Then, to fulfil his earlier promise of “unspecified favours,” he tributed the Goths in Joe’s Asia.

Emperor Martin moved his army from Macedonia into Thracia and attacked Joe, wiping him out. He was then voted in there too, and boosted support there for good measure. He was now hosting barbarians in both Macedonia and Thracia. A perilous situation.

And one that instantly got worse as Joe’s crisis roll sent three Alamanni into Martin’s Thracia. Joe moved his army from Asia into Martin’s Macedonia and beat the remaining militia. He used his Forced March to attack the Goth tribe there as well, but failed. His entire military force currently consisted of one wounded legion. Not to be downhearted, he got voted into Macedonia, only to see his Asia go neutral.

Martin 38, Sam 32, Andrew 31, Joe 27

In round seven, I pounced. I figured that everyone had barbarian issues that’ll distract them, so I used my 4R 5B hand to go for Rome. First, my army went from Hispania into Italia and defeated Martin’s wounded legion. Then my army in Gallia beat Postumus. I got myself voted into Asia, tibuting the Goths there, and then finally into Rome as a level five emperor, needing twelve votes if anyone wanted to unseat me! I was even able to buy two level four cards in one go. I had never experienced such riches. It was only 9.40 but Martin was already predicting my certain victory.

Sam (7B 3R) killed some more Franks in Britannia, got voted into my Hispania and added a legion in Pannonia. I later found out that he had been planning on unseating Martin in Rome on that turn. Good job I got there in time.

Martin, with armies in Thracia and Syria, is too far away to do me any real damage and still save himself. He had 3R 3Y 2B so he added a legion in Thracia, beat the Goths there and then got himself voted into Asia after turning it neutral with a Mobile Vulgus. He then boosted support there.

Joe (4R 3B) built an army in Africa, sent it into Italia where it was promptly wiped out by my army stationed there. He then lost an election in Sam’s Hispania. Sadly, only the most recent in a long list of misfortunes to befall him this night.

Andrew 49, Martin 46, Sam 42, Joe 30

At the start of round eight, with my eye on hitting sixty points, I opined out loud that “I’d quite like a Pax Deorum.” I then consequently rolled a 6-6. I added a four red to my hand to make 9R 4B 3Y. I healed and reinforced my army in Italia. I sent my Gallian army into the Franks homeland and beat the barbarian there. Got voted into Hispania and then sent my army from Galatia into Asia, hoping to beat the Goths there, but lost. That last battle was just a flourish since, by then, I’d got past sixty points. Still, it would’ve been nice. I triggered the end of the game at only 10.05pm.

Sam (7B 3R) failed in his attempt to win an election in Hispania but succeeded in Gallia. In a final push for points he sent his three-legion army from Britannia into the Sahara to attack the four barbarians who’d been sitting there doing nothing for most of the game. But the battle ended in a 2-2 draw and he came away empty handed.

The Nomads, once again, massed on the borders seemingly happy to watch

Martin (1Y 3B 6R) rolled an event and drew Bad Augeries from the deck. Roman legions now needed to roll one higher in order to hit. “That’s not what I needed,” he sighed. He charged into Italia with a Spiculum, but it wasn’t as effective as Sam’s was and it does only one hit. In the following battle, I won 2-1. Lastly, my Hispania survived another election, when Martin rolled only 5-1-1.

Lastly Joe, (1B 5R 5Y) healed his legion in Macedonia and killed the Goth there. He built an army in Africa and bravely sent it into Nomadland where it was promptly killed by the remaining two barbarians. Then it was his turn to not get voted into Hispania as my undefended territory seemed to have a charmed life in this final round. Then, just for style, he built an amphitheatre.

Andrew 74
Martin 59
Sam 51
Joe 37

My first win in over two years (and that was a three-player game) and quite a relief. I was kind of lucky in that barbarians mostly didn't attack me but, then again, with a hand full of foederaties and red points, I had initially wanted them too. Plus, Joe had appalling luck with the dice and Martin was screwed by the only two events we had in the whole game. Postumus was especially damaging to him. And that Pax Deorum was absurdly lucky for me.

After this we played Polterfass, a game which Sam mentioned that he’d finished in minus figures last time he’d played. And, mid-game, his pessimism seemed justified as he lay on eight points, thirty-one behind the then leader Joe. He fumed good-naturedly at our choice of rerolling when he was convinced we were about the stick, making a mockery of his low bet.

But halfway through, the tide turned and he began picking up points. Martin, though, was looking set for the win when we luckily bid nine between us when he stuck on nine barrels. Then, once again, luck shone on me. My first roll was a measly Seven barrel. They made their bids but I figured in order to win, I’d have to go big, so I rolled again.

I got this.

I stuck, and ended up scoring twenty-five points that round, pushing me into an unlikely first.

Andrew 77
Martin 75
Sam 45
Joe 45

Thanks everyone. What an evening. I may never see its like again.

When you don't know your Mars from Uranus

Friday, and after a month pretty much out the GNN loop I (Sam) was looking to squeeze in a game or two, despite tonight's Time Of Crisis looming. Luckily for me, Chris and Adam were also keen, and after some debate over which space-themed game we'd play (Quantum and Sol were also under consideration) we settled on Orbit: The International Space Race. Three space agencies - Japan, USA and Russia, head for the stars to try and claim achievements of fly-bys, orbits, landings, and even the hard-to-do return to Earth. It was new to Chris, but the rules are pretty surmountable.

What wasn't surmountable - for me, as the CCCP - was distinguishing Jupiter from Venus, and I set off into the outer solar system towards one thinking I would reach the other. Adam and Chris graciously allowed me a do-over, but the Russians struggled for the rest of the game, unable to shake off their status as laughing stock of the international astronomy community.

Chris left Earth and headed for Mars, only to find by the time he reached it Earth had appeared again and Japan (Adam) launched to reach Mars before him. "Sorry" said Adam, but he didn't sound sorry.

I, as the Russians, found myself lagging and so picked up Mission cards. All of them pointed to doing things with the inner planets, something Adam was already busy with. "Adam, you're doing all my achievements!" I wailed. "Sorry" said Adam.

Meanwhile Chris as the firmament-newbie was actually playing a rather canny game. I realised when I was giving him some advice that I was probably, having mistaken Jupiter for Venus,  not qualified to help and left him to it. I think Adam gave a couple of pointers, but Chris ran away with the game and it was mostly his own work. I spent most of the time focused on an 11 point mission card, and realised three turns from the end I'd need an extra turn to complete it. Bah!

Chris 41
Adam 28
Sam 18

I do love Orbit. Even when it goes wrong.

Next up, after some discussion, was Villagers. Here everyone is drafting and 'building' their own village, with the eponymous villagers represented by cards; the catch being that, just like life, craftspeople need materials to craft with, so you can't have a cooper without a carpenter, or a glassblower without a miner. Stan has repeatedly rinsed me at this, but at least those experiences stood me in good stead here, as Chris and Adam were both new to it.

something like
Sam 61
Adam 51
Chris 50

Both seemed to like it and I think it may be seen again.

We ended our trio of trios with a couple of cracks at NMBR9. I can't remember what happened now, but I think Chris won the second game, and Adam said he had finished second in every game of the evening.

Adam left for home with the clock chiming eleven, but Chris and I had one last game in us, which was Yokai. This is part-memory, part-Mind as you co-operatively try and move four randomly-dealt 'tribes' of face-down cards to orthogonal adjacence in a 4x4 grid: every turn you can look at two cards, you must move one card (any card, it doesn't have to be what you looked at) and then either place a clue card on top of a tribe card (hinting at its colour) or flip a new clue card.

The clue cards though mostly tell you what colour the tribe card underneath it isn't, rather than what it is, so you need to watch your fellow player/s carefully and remember what you've seen. Run out of clues and the game ends - or you can declare earlier if you think you've achieved a victory.

It's quite easy to get wrong but we ended the night on a triumphant victory. I didn't take photos, but here's me and Little Joe playing it in France...

And with that, we were done! Thanks chaps. 

Too much fun

You would think that, as seasoned board gamers, we would be familiar with the concept of Fun. After years pursuing this hobby, we may even be a little jaded with it. But apparently not, as we squeezed eleven lightweight games of varying silliness into one evening.

We started as a five: Sam (the host), Ian, Martin, Katy and me. Steve was expected so we banged out a five-player game of L.A.M.A. until he arrived. Sam’s started very well, not picking up a single card until round three. He was so focused that when his phone rang, he picked it up, said “It’s only Greenpeace,” and put it back down. Saving the world can wait, Sam’s got games to play.

Sam 12
Ian 26
Katy 34
Andrew 35
Martin 44

After this, with Steve finally arrived, we played Fool! (or Fou!, since we had the French version) which is a trick taking game where whoever played the worst card in trick is the Fool (or Fou) and has to sit out the next round which is a problem since you’re trying to play all of your cards first.

I got off to a perfect start with two clear rounds giving me ten bonus points each time, while the rest of them had to each negative scores. Ha! At the start of round three, I was thirty points ahead of my nearest rival. But I needed that head start as my score began to be whittled away. Martin was looking very dangerous and in the last round, he managed to play all of his cards. Luckily, his last card was the weakest card in that trick, making him the fool and meaning he couldn’t pick up the ten point bonus. Phew!

Andrew -8
Martin -9
Sam -18
Ian -41
Steve -44
Katy -68

Around this time, Ian informed us that he’d drunk a lot of whisky over the bank holiday because it was his dad’s birthday next weekend. There was a pause afterwards while everyone tried to process that statement, before Ian explained he’d been taste-testing his dad’s birthday present.

Then Sam got out the four-player Rollet, just to show us and then, since it was out, we had a quick game. Sam & Katy beat Ian & Martin 5-4 and then Ian & Martin beat Steve & Andrew 5-4. It was silly, high tension fun, and it looked great. Martin said it looked expensive and Sam mumbled something in agreement.

Then we split into two groups of three. Normally, this indicates a change towards the more thinky, strategic game but not today. It was full steam ahead for more fun. Sam, Ian and Steve chose Men At Work, a stacking game where you have to place girders and builders on each other in order to satisfy certain orders on cards.

Ian wins
Steve 2nd
Sam 3rd

Katy, Martin and I played Maskmen, which is actually quite thinky but still fun. At least it was for Martin and Katy.

Martin 7
Katy 5
Andrew -4

The two groups were out of sync so Sam et al played a few games of Kartel which is notable for being a Reiner Knizia game that Martin hasn’t played.

Sam 11
Steve 9
Ian 7

Steve 7
Ian 7
Sam 6

Ian 15
Steve 12
Sam was upstairs sorting out some kind of dad thing.

And we played Heul Doch Mau Mau, which I thought I was doing okay at and lost only eight points in the final count, but I guess I gave away too many points to my opponents.

Martin 112
Katy 93
Andrew 91

Then Ian went home, but the fun just kept coming as we broke out QE. After all, with the two QE champions (Katy and Sam) around the same table, it would be madness not to. And talking of madness, after Katy’s initial starting price of 5,000 the bids would not go below six figures for most of the rest of the game. I finally got my first purchase for the handsome sum of 250,000 and picked up a second for 200,100 which looks insane but I was sure I wasn’t the one who’d spent most. Actually, I thought it would be Steve, and was surprised when I found out who it was. Sam, though, deliberately came in just below me having spent 249,995. However, his last-round purchase (for eight points) meant he lost the lowest spender 7 point bonus, and it went to Martin instead who finally won a game.

Martin 51
Sam 39
Andrew 26
Steve 23
Katy OUT! (but had 30 points)

It was after eleven, so obviously there was time for one more game. Flotsam Fight: the game of saving treasures by putting them in lifeboats that share the same factors as the number on your cards. While Martin explained the rules, some people had the audacity to laugh at my dealing technique, which I was not impressed with. Mocking a gamer’s dealing method is like telling a boxer he has a glass jaw. Suitably insulted, I gave as good as I got and called Katy “a fucking cunt”. Possibly overdid it, in hindsight. Martin, meanwhile, was still trying to explain the rules.

After that controversy, we played and I came out on top.

Andrew 4
Sam 3
Martin 1
Steve -1
Katy -1

After this we were done and Steve kindly offered us a lift back so that we might get to bed before midnight. Thanks all for the fun.

Five go mad in Butte

Games night without Joe and Sam is bound to be fallow. With Adam H and a string of other apologies this week and doubts about the fitness of my car, there was a time when it might have been just Martin and Katy. Instead we were five in total: the two aforementioned and Ian, Adam T and myself. Katy and I were late, and when we arrived we found a game of Eggs of Ostrich just ending.

Ian 7
Adam 6
Martin 3

Once we were all settled around the table we looked at the stack of games already laid out that would be good with five. We started with Northern Pacific. It was new to Adam but Martin insisted he could teach it in a minute. It began in a feisty mood. Katy began and placed a cube. Martin immediately moved the train past that cube, rendering it useless.

It was all very cagey stuff, apart from the fairly obvious jokes about putting things into Butte. Round three saw a lot of spread betting as everyone tried to put off moving the train for as long as possible. Katy spent a lot of time saying she was just happy being in third, so you can imagine how happy she was when she finished in second.

Ian 28
Katy 26 (wins on tie breaker)
Adam 26
Martin 23
Andrew 21

After this was Mamma Mia, chosen by Katy who was already in a state of high excitation at the possibility of being dealt the Mamma Mia card. She actually got it in round one and then theatrically dealt out the stack of cards in a broad Italianish accent. It was Adam’s first go at this game, too, and halfway through round one he said he’d worked out how you can play well. Ominous words and they preceded an amazing comeback in round three that had us checking the rules for a tie-breaker. I hoped it was “the quietest” who won, but instead it was “most cards left in hand” so Katy squeaked a win on one of her most loved games. Martin, meanwhile, insisted he used to be good at it.

Katy 5 (won on tie breaker)
Adam 5
Martin 3
Ian 3
Andrew 2

Then we played Nakanuki Paradise at my request. This game of guessing the highest value to bid without the total value exceeding the target is such a simple, clever game. Far too clever for me.

Martin 22
Adam 21
Katy 17
Ian 15
Andrew 13

Time was ticking on and for Adam’s last game before he departed, we chose a three-round game of Voodoo Prince. In round one Katy clearly had no trumps and was heading into a last-player-standing showdown with Ian, with only one trick to her name. Ian made things simple by showing her his remaining three cards: all trumps. She was out last and with only one point to her name.

I went out in similar fashion in round two and Adam in round three. But what of the other end of the scale? The winners? It was Ian versus Martin as we went into the last round, with Adam one point off the pace. Katy, buoyed up by her ten point haul in round two, kept asking if it was possible for her to win. Possible, but unlikely. Almost as unlikely as there being no trumps left in the game once there were only three players left. Katy did finish round three with most points, putting her in a respectable second, but Ian was third to last out for ten points while Martin was out first for five.

I had no trumps at all in round two

Ian 28
Katy 22
Martin 22
Adam 17
Andrew 13

After Adam left, we ended on a baffling round of QE. We bid for points, but those bids increased our chances of losing. Oh, the irony. Ian and I struggled to buy anything at first, and then Ian went on a spending spree that would make the Sultan of Brunei blush. He and I both tied for identical winning bids on one round: Katy had set the starting price at 20,000 and we both put in bids of 20,001. In the end, just like last time, Katy won by miles. A game she excels at, but might have difficulty finding people to play against in future.

Katy 37
Martin 29
Andrew 23
Ian OUT (but had 19)

And with that, we were done. All back homewards with more memories than we can plausibly keep except as a general warm glow of recollection.

Creating a Stinker

I arrived late to Joe's for this week's games night and found that the decision as to what game I wanted to play had already been made for me. I was to join Adam T and Martin in a game of Impulse while Katy, Joe and Ian broke out Quest for El Dorado.

It had been a while since I played Impulse but no rules refresher was needed. I did refer to the player aid a couple of times, though. Katy, on the other hand, needed a full rules explanation prompting a couple of us to ask if it was her first game. (She said it wasn't but the last time had been about two years ago.)

Impulse was cagey at first and rather benign, apart from Martin sending a cruiser through Adam's Space Quadrant (possibly not officially terminology) and knocking out a couple of transporters on the way. But Martin's trading strategy started to generate points so when he hit 18, just two from a win, my full compliment of ships leapt into battle, knocking out three of his ships and removing him from the sector core. Then Adam sprang into action, with an extensive move plus plan that got him to 19 points but no further. Martin had the Impulse equivalent of a tap in to take the win.

Martin 20
Adam 19
Andrew 14

In El Dorado, Ian began very slowly but, once he’d scratched his foot (he even needed to take his shoe off) he was back in contention. Joe ploughed through the barriers while Katy sneaked along behind him. In the end, Joe got stuck on the last tile, allowing both Katy and Ian to reach the goal. Katy won the tie-breaker with a single barrier to Ian’s none.

Katy, first!
Ian, second
Joe, last

We ended more or less at the same time, so we dug out Decrypto as our next game. To avoid moving chairs and having to make up a team name, we decided on Team Impusle versus Team Dorado. Team Impulse had a tricky selection of words, all seemed to be thematically linked to food: leg, game, pizza and restaurant. Those last two, especially, looked difficult. I thought about asking if we could swap one out but Martin said he thought we’d be fine and I didn’t push the matter in case I looked like a sissy.

I usually take a photo of the clue sheets to remind me of how clever we were but I forgot. Martin and I misunderstood Adam’s clue of “face” thinking it went with Game when it should have gone with Pizza (or vice versa). Luckily Team Dorado got their second miscommunication in round six and my clues-as-a-story technique got us through that round safely.

Team Impulse, MI5 secret service
Team Dorado, M5 motorway

Next we introduced Ian and Adam to the unique thrills of Stinker. This time, it seemed to take a while for us to get going, so we went around twice. And we kept score, just to see if it was a pointless as it first appeared. I came up with this for “What do humans think most about.”

It was supposed to be “Darleen from Roseanne”, but Neighbours just seemed easier to spell, given my meagre resources. And then, after a whole six rounds of trying to be clever, Katy finally won something with “ooh a oo ah ah” which was something about what you should say to Sigmund Freud.

Andrew 50
Martin 32
Ian 16
Joe 13
Adam 13
Katy 11

What a shame it’s too fast moving for extensive notes because the second round saw a return to the heights of hilarity. I wrote “It is veri wonki” for something that a Pyramid-building slave might say and that's about it.

But with that, we were done.

EDIT: Except for a game of Heul Doch Mau Mau, after Ian and Adam had gone. I don't remember it at all and if it weren't for Martin reminding me in the comments, it may have gone unnoticed by history.

Martin 77
Katy 72
Andrew 69
Joe 44

After more fun than is recommended by the World Health Organisation, we tottered back home and to bed. Next week, though, summer hols finally take their toll. With Sam still away and Joe absent too, who knows where the determined vacation-less few with find themselves?

Lexicon of Laughs

Eight people squeezed around Joe's kitchen table for the weekly games fest, having walked through Bristol’s indecisive weather which veered from wet to dry and then tried to make amends with a lovely rainbow or two.

Joe, sporting a sizeable scab running along his head but otherwise looking pretty chipper, was joined by Martin, Adam H, Adam T, Katy, Ian, Steve and myself. Katy brought Isle of Skye, "just in case anyone wants to play it," and she placed it prominently on the table (in case anyone wanted to look at it, I suppose). Such deft advertising worked and Ian and Adam H were keen for a game and Steve joined in too.

While the rest of us discussed things, someone mentioned Tichu to which Adam T responded "Did someone mention Tichu?" He was keen for a game, since he'd hadn't played in years.

Joe got out his card table, apologising for the cat hairs on the green felt tabletop. The room buzzed with dual rules explanations while Steve and Adam were brought up to speed, and we began with newbie Adam T paired with Martin and Joe teamed up with me.

New tactic: photo your hand to make people think it's amazing

Joe and me got off to a commanding lead, thanks to me fulfilling a call of Tichu despite Martin and Adam both having bombs. Also, Adam failed a couple of early Tichu calls as he made the error of ending the round with low, unplayable cards left in his hand.

But things started to turn around. Adam got the hang of things and Martin had a very bomb-heavy game. We were still looking good for the win, especially when Joe went out with an instant Tichu, but the gap kept getting narrower.

In the end, they ran out easy winners. Joe felt liked he'd been played by a hustler, such was the way the game played out. All that was missing was for one of them to suggest, when they were 700 points behind, "Say, why don't we make this interesting?"

Martin & Adam T 1080
Joe & Andrew 720

Happily, Isle of Skye was ending at almost the same time. I didn't really follow the game, apart from hearing Katy insist she was having fun despite being in last. When the final count came, perennially last Katy and always-leading Steve had a surprise or two.

Katy's tidy island

Ian 175
Katy 174
Steve 170
Adam 159

With all eight together we discussed our options. Captain Sonar for eight was instantly dismissed by Martin despite him being in another room. Instead we split again, with Tichu making a second appearance, this time with Ian, Adam T, Joe and Adam H. Apart from Joe’s midgame suggestion “Let’s all call Grand Tichu,” I don’t know how the game went, but it ended:

Joe and Adam T won
Ian and Adam H lost

Meanwhile, Martin, Katy, Steve and I played QE. Steve was aghast that there was now a game based on quantitative easing, but he seemed keen to give it a go. I also had reservations, especially due to its comparisons with Ponzi Scheme, but I thought I should give it a fair crack of the whip.

It was okay. Certainly a lot quicker than Ponzi Scheme. Steve (China) and Katy (USA) were the early big buyers and they hoovered up tiles. But Steve gave the impression of having spent more than Katy. In fact, in the last round he put out the final tile for tender at 50,000 only to find that he ended up having to buy it himself. He didn’t realise that was a possibility, but when we added up his money spent, he’d already gone far past the rest of us before that had happened, so it made no difference. Martin (EU) and I (Japan) made some last minute bids that, as it turned out, pushed us past Katy’s spending level, giving her a clear win. “Katy crushed it,” Martin said and Katy insisted I wrote it down.

Katy 41
Martin 30
Andrew 18
Steve OUT! (By miles, but he had 42)

Then we had a quick game of Heul Doch Mau Mau which is something to do with onions. You have to build up a pile of onion cards in front of you but they have to match either the suit or value of the one before and it mustn’t match the suit or colour of either of your neighbours. If it does, then your card must go on that pile, which means it counts towards their score.

But, you can “reset” your pile by playing a card face down – a weeping onion. At the end of the round, count up those onions. That value (say, six) means that any cards of that same value don’t count to your score. As it happens, Steve didn’t get hit by that punishment (nor did I, fat load of use it did me) while Martin lost 24 points.

Steve 91
Katy 77
Martin 74
Andrew 63

It was an odd game. Can’t shake the feeling there’s not enough control involved. Still, I pretty sure I laughed at some point.

At this point Adam T and Ian left, although Ian paused – tempted by the sight of a new word game: Stinker. This game involves each player having a set number of tiles with letters on (23 tiles each, which we thought was impossible with six players, but we ended up with three to spare) and a card giving you a topic about which you have to write an answer. Spelling mistakes are prefectly fine (see what I did there?) and each player has two blank tiles to get them out of a tight spot if they need it. There is a scoring system, but it seemed fairly redundant.

The game was a huge success, reducing most of us to puddles of tears of laughter. “How to avoid boredom,” asked the card. “Wank,” wrote Joe succinctly. My answers were too dull, reaching a peak with the prompt “Where would you go in the past” getting this answer from me:

But others did great work. “Another use for a light saber” was either “Massive Dildo” (Steve) or “Frighten Horses” (Joe). Martin tried to get the word “stinker” into as many responses as he could (i.e., “The perfect crime” = “Cheat at Stinker”).

I wish I’d made notes, but I was laughing too much. Only Adam didn’t seem hugely entertained, but you can’t please everyone can you?

Steve won
So did everyone else
Adam came last (sorry, Adam)

And so, wiping the tears from our eyes, we were done for the night. Two games of Tichu and a blistering debut from a new word game. Thanks for hosting, Joe.